Overwhelmed

I guess I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I was kind of hoping all of my pre-op requirements would be done by now.  I checked in last week and my psych evaluation still has not been sent.  I should be able to call over and get that sent (again?) during my prep. tomorrow.  Also, it appears that during my physical, some of my necessary blood tests were not taken.  I need to schedule that and have those sent over.  I left a message with Dr. H's nurse last Monday and still have not heard back.

I know this seems like a small hurdle, but it's just exhausting.  I feel like if the psych. people and my primary care physician had done their jobs, I would be done with all this.

Also, I got a letter in the mail from Dr. B (the surgeon).   They were concerned about my thyroid and wanted to make sure I'm having it looked at.  I called and (surprise, surprise) left a message to the nurse I was told to call in the letter.  I told her that I had an appointment on Dec. 31 (where my medicine was changed) and that I am having a follow up in March.

-----

Another thing that is overwhelming me is that I had a friend visit me this weekend.  She hadn't seen me in three years.  Three years ago, I was very much engaged in the "trying" to have a baby mode.  I was undergoing treatments and was super optimistic.  Now, three years later and no baby, she had lots of questions.  I explained as much as I could to her and she tried to be supportive.  It was kind of sad though.  I feel kind of broken and having to essentially explain "what went wrong" was difficult.

Another thing is that my friend is a fun gal.  I tried to plan things and keep up with her, but essentially what I did was do something for the last time.  Let me explain.  We went to this fabulous Brazilian restaurant.  They bring skewers of food to you continually and you eat (and eat and eat -- I mean for $50 a person, you kind of want your fill).  We also drank 2 bottles of wine and then meet my teammate and her fiance' out at a bar for more drinks.  Well, I'm 31 and lead a relatively tame life.  This is not my normal.  Once I have the surgery, I will not be able to go to restaurants like this and I will certainly not be able to drink out with friends.  Granted, we went overboard, but I like going overboard once or twice a year.  I also like social eating and drinking.  From what I have read, after surgery if you drink half a glass of wine you may end up on the floor.  Also, people report that drinking (even half a glass of wine) slows (or stops) their progress after the surgery. 

In order to be "ready" for surgery, I need to already lose some weight.  Losing weight decreases your liver size which makes it easier to move during surgery.  Since my first visit with Dr. B., I have GAINED about 10 pounds.  This is probably because I keep enjoying my "lasts" (my last Mexican meal - the way I like it, my last time having fondue, etc...).  It's kind of self-defeating, but I really am mourning a bit over how this will change my life.  When it comes down to it, I enjoy eating.  I love to go out with friends and have a meal.  I love pizza.  Nothing makes me feel better after a bad day than some extra carbs. 

My hope is that after the surgery, I won't feel hungry all the time and that will help... but I still can't use food as a comfort and like it or not, sometimes I eat when I'm not hungry.