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Sunday, March 7, 2010
More Protein Drinks
Yes, sports fans, we had our first Liquid Death!
Doctors, Support Groups, and Babies! (Oh My!)
Doctors:
Good news: My psych. report it in! (Yes, I passed; thank you peanut gallery.). Also, I got my missing blood tests retaken!
Bad news: Even though they retook my blood (first time December, second time February) they still MISSED a test! How hard can it be to take the doctor's orders, take my blood, and process the right things? Apparently, very hard. BUT, once I get this last blood test taken, I think I am done with my pre-op requirements! That is exciting.
Support Groups:
Jeff and I went to a support group from the nut's office (that's nutritionist, if you missed my previous post). It had lots of good information and samples of some proteinlious drinks and snacks. Everyone at the group had already had the surgery and was on their way downwards. They seemed to all have there separate set of complications/issues, but were all very glad they had the surgery.
In my own mini-support group (friends), I touched base with my friend C who had a bypass 7 years ago. I also have called my friend, L, who had a different, but similar, type of surgery a few years ago. C looks amazing and the surgery has helped her a lot. It was so great reconnecting with her. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. Even though a lot of time has passed, I felt like I could ask her anything! It was a good feeling.
Babies
Yes, babies. Last week was the "Everyone I Know Seems to be Having a Baby" week. Two people from my work are preggers. I know that's not everyone, but I took it hard. I always think if I say that out loud I will sound like a monster. I'm not a monster. I love babies! I'm really happy for the people having them! I can't wait to see the babies and to buy little baby things. But for me, that's a double-edged sword.
The whole reason I'm going through this is to start a family. Over the past 5.5 years, I've done so much in order to get the the, "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" place of my life. When I see someone who has been married a month and seems to instantly become pregnant, it makes me feel a little more defective. It's not that I'm not happy for other people, because I really am. I just wish things were a little easier for me in that department.
My people (and they know who they are) tell me I "can't think like that." It's not like I choose to feel sad. It's not like I think to myself, "Well, I could isolate their experience and only feel happy for them, or I could also internalize it with a bit of jealousy and depression... let's go for the depression one!" It's just how I am. People around me don't really seem to get it. I don't know how to explain it any other way than it's how I feel. I always feel defensive when I talk about my feelings too. Just now, I was about to type, "I'm not saying I want anything to happen to these children or wish these other people didn't get pregnant; I just wish I was also." I feel guilty for my feelings -- like I need to explain them over and over again.
I found out about these two pregnant colleagues on Thursday. I came home and The Office was having their episode with Jim and Pam having their baby. Then this weekend, a friend from college had a beautiful baby girl and posted lots of pictures online (as she should). Law and Order had baby drama. Several of my friend posted baby updates online. Also, several people I know have been complaining about their kids. One was complaining to me that her two kids got into bed with her on Thursday night and she didn't get a lot of sleep. My only response I could think of was, "That's an awesome problem to have."
I have to find a way to deal with this better. I'm sure even more babies will be coming in through my life during the next few years. I just wish I knew some day, I'd get to have my, "Guess what?" moment too. (And don't say, "You will, Jessica," because you don't really know that.)
Good news: My psych. report it in! (Yes, I passed; thank you peanut gallery.). Also, I got my missing blood tests retaken!
Bad news: Even though they retook my blood (first time December, second time February) they still MISSED a test! How hard can it be to take the doctor's orders, take my blood, and process the right things? Apparently, very hard. BUT, once I get this last blood test taken, I think I am done with my pre-op requirements! That is exciting.
Support Groups:
Jeff and I went to a support group from the nut's office (that's nutritionist, if you missed my previous post). It had lots of good information and samples of some proteinlious drinks and snacks. Everyone at the group had already had the surgery and was on their way downwards. They seemed to all have there separate set of complications/issues, but were all very glad they had the surgery.
In my own mini-support group (friends), I touched base with my friend C who had a bypass 7 years ago. I also have called my friend, L, who had a different, but similar, type of surgery a few years ago. C looks amazing and the surgery has helped her a lot. It was so great reconnecting with her. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. Even though a lot of time has passed, I felt like I could ask her anything! It was a good feeling.
Babies
Yes, babies. Last week was the "Everyone I Know Seems to be Having a Baby" week. Two people from my work are preggers. I know that's not everyone, but I took it hard. I always think if I say that out loud I will sound like a monster. I'm not a monster. I love babies! I'm really happy for the people having them! I can't wait to see the babies and to buy little baby things. But for me, that's a double-edged sword.
The whole reason I'm going through this is to start a family. Over the past 5.5 years, I've done so much in order to get the the, "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" place of my life. When I see someone who has been married a month and seems to instantly become pregnant, it makes me feel a little more defective. It's not that I'm not happy for other people, because I really am. I just wish things were a little easier for me in that department.
My people (and they know who they are) tell me I "can't think like that." It's not like I choose to feel sad. It's not like I think to myself, "Well, I could isolate their experience and only feel happy for them, or I could also internalize it with a bit of jealousy and depression... let's go for the depression one!" It's just how I am. People around me don't really seem to get it. I don't know how to explain it any other way than it's how I feel. I always feel defensive when I talk about my feelings too. Just now, I was about to type, "I'm not saying I want anything to happen to these children or wish these other people didn't get pregnant; I just wish I was also." I feel guilty for my feelings -- like I need to explain them over and over again.
I found out about these two pregnant colleagues on Thursday. I came home and The Office was having their episode with Jim and Pam having their baby. Then this weekend, a friend from college had a beautiful baby girl and posted lots of pictures online (as she should). Law and Order had baby drama. Several of my friend posted baby updates online. Also, several people I know have been complaining about their kids. One was complaining to me that her two kids got into bed with her on Thursday night and she didn't get a lot of sleep. My only response I could think of was, "That's an awesome problem to have."
I have to find a way to deal with this better. I'm sure even more babies will be coming in through my life during the next few years. I just wish I knew some day, I'd get to have my, "Guess what?" moment too. (And don't say, "You will, Jessica," because you don't really know that.)
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