Protein Shakes

One of the proactive things I have been doing is trying out different protein shakes.  For the two weeks before and the two weeks after the surgery, I will have to drink all of my protein.  I have to take in 60 grams of protein a day.  I can only have 4 grams or less of sugar in the drink as well.  

Knowing that I am picky as is, we figured we had better start trying now.  Jeff made a form for me to enter how well I liked the shakes.  The ratings from best to worse are: Awesome, Good, Tolerable, Bad, Liquid Death (yes, liquid death).  Here are my comments so far.
 

. Timestamp Name of the Drink Flavor Rating Comments . 1/29/2010 Atkins Advantage Milk Choclolate Delight Shake Bad 15 Protein 1 Sugars . 2/3/2010 AdvantEdge Chocolate Fudge Tolerable Better when you don't have to smell it. Protein: 17g Sugars: 0 . 2/4/2010 Oh yeah! Strawberries and Creme Tolerable Better when really cold. A bit aftertasty. Protein: 32 g Sugars: 3g . 2/5/2010 INSPIRE DUTCH CHOCOLATE CAKE Good Protein: 30g Sugars: 0g Lot of protein in just 4 oz of water! . 2/8/2010 18:40:32 Muscle Milk Chocolate Good Had a little bit of a coffee/vanilla taste 3g sugar 25g protein . 2/9/2010 20:29:15 Oh yeah! Cookies and Cream Good Chalky, but good. 3g sugar 32g protein . 2/10/2010 18:10:45 Oh yeah! Bananas and Creame Tolerable 32g Protein 3g Sugars . 2/11/2010 22:55:58 Oh yeah! Chocolate Milkshake Bad 32g protein 3g sugar Didn't finish. . 2/12/2010 19:02:29 Oh yeah! Vanillia Creame Awesome 32g Protein 3g Sugar HELLS YEAH! . 2/22/2010 20:46:30 Bariatric Advantage Vanillia Bad Bad smell and aftertaste. Had to plug my nose. Gritty texture. Protein: 27g Sugar: .5 g

Overwhelmed

I guess I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I was kind of hoping all of my pre-op requirements would be done by now.  I checked in last week and my psych evaluation still has not been sent.  I should be able to call over and get that sent (again?) during my prep. tomorrow.  Also, it appears that during my physical, some of my necessary blood tests were not taken.  I need to schedule that and have those sent over.  I left a message with Dr. H's nurse last Monday and still have not heard back.

I know this seems like a small hurdle, but it's just exhausting.  I feel like if the psych. people and my primary care physician had done their jobs, I would be done with all this.

Also, I got a letter in the mail from Dr. B (the surgeon).   They were concerned about my thyroid and wanted to make sure I'm having it looked at.  I called and (surprise, surprise) left a message to the nurse I was told to call in the letter.  I told her that I had an appointment on Dec. 31 (where my medicine was changed) and that I am having a follow up in March.

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Another thing that is overwhelming me is that I had a friend visit me this weekend.  She hadn't seen me in three years.  Three years ago, I was very much engaged in the "trying" to have a baby mode.  I was undergoing treatments and was super optimistic.  Now, three years later and no baby, she had lots of questions.  I explained as much as I could to her and she tried to be supportive.  It was kind of sad though.  I feel kind of broken and having to essentially explain "what went wrong" was difficult.

Another thing is that my friend is a fun gal.  I tried to plan things and keep up with her, but essentially what I did was do something for the last time.  Let me explain.  We went to this fabulous Brazilian restaurant.  They bring skewers of food to you continually and you eat (and eat and eat -- I mean for $50 a person, you kind of want your fill).  We also drank 2 bottles of wine and then meet my teammate and her fiance' out at a bar for more drinks.  Well, I'm 31 and lead a relatively tame life.  This is not my normal.  Once I have the surgery, I will not be able to go to restaurants like this and I will certainly not be able to drink out with friends.  Granted, we went overboard, but I like going overboard once or twice a year.  I also like social eating and drinking.  From what I have read, after surgery if you drink half a glass of wine you may end up on the floor.  Also, people report that drinking (even half a glass of wine) slows (or stops) their progress after the surgery. 

In order to be "ready" for surgery, I need to already lose some weight.  Losing weight decreases your liver size which makes it easier to move during surgery.  Since my first visit with Dr. B., I have GAINED about 10 pounds.  This is probably because I keep enjoying my "lasts" (my last Mexican meal - the way I like it, my last time having fondue, etc...).  It's kind of self-defeating, but I really am mourning a bit over how this will change my life.  When it comes down to it, I enjoy eating.  I love to go out with friends and have a meal.  I love pizza.  Nothing makes me feel better after a bad day than some extra carbs. 

My hope is that after the surgery, I won't feel hungry all the time and that will help... but I still can't use food as a comfort and like it or not, sometimes I eat when I'm not hungry.

Upper GI

Well, it worked out and I had my Upper GI today.  You may want to skip this entry if you get woozy easily.

No one properly prepared me for this experience, so I thought someone else may want to know.

I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 and was promptly processed.  They asked me if my husband was my emergency contact and I told them yes.  I'm not sure if that was right since Jeff was on a flight to Boston at the time, but it all worked out anyway.

They took me back to get me into a gown.  The lady took out an extra large gown, looked at me and then put it away.  She came back with a gown that if I was to guess a size, I would say it was a 5x.  You could have fit two of me in it.  Trying to look on the bright side, I thought, "at least it'll cover me."

When I was getting ready to change into my gown, they asked me if my pants had any buttons or zippers.  I guess if I had been wearing pajama bottoms, I wouldn't have had to take my pants off.  No one told me that. I would have loved to wear pants for this ordeal. 

As far as the procedure itself, I don't know how to explain it, besides saying it was like a medical version of a Survivor (TV show) food challenge.  This is what I read online:

"The patient is asked to drink the barium liquid and to swallow baking soda crystals. It is important not to belch, as the gas assists the radiologist in evaluation."

Let's talk about what that really means.

First, you drink baking soda crystals.  You can swallow it in one big chug.  It's a little grainy at the bottom and it's fizzing the whole time.  I finished it and thought it wasn't so bad.  Those are famous last words for a reason.

Next, they give you a Styrofoam cup FULL of this thick, chalky, white liquid.  You are to drink the whole cup relatively quickly and don't burp (which is all you want to do).  I was doing good drinking this, until about I was about 3/4ths done.  Then I had that, "I'm going to throw up" feeling.  I convulsed over and put my hand over my mouth.  The technician's assistant told me not to throw it up, so I tilted my head back and swallowed what made it's way back up.  The tech's assistant told me "good."  I couldn't think of anything good at this point.

I managed to finish the cup and she said "HOPEFULLY, that's all I'll have to drink."  I repeated back, "hopefully?"  The tech's assistant looked at me reassuringly, which is all I could really ask for.

She went to get the technician.  While she was out of the room, I burped.  As soon as I did it, I remembered what I read and knew I shouldn't have.  It was a burp like a bubble had popped.  Bizarre, but no harm, no foul?  Maybe if I didn't do it again, I'd be okay. 

The ex-ray technician came in.  He was older, but had a sense of humor, which I deeply appreciated.  I was placed on my stomach on a table and as the machine was placed over me, I could see my stomach.  It was really cool to watch.  Then I was told to turn on my back.  Then my front again.  The tech. said something, which I couldn't make out and instantly there was another Styrofoam cup with that horrible white liquid and a straw.  I was told to take four big swallows.  After my fourth, he told me to take one more.  I was flipped a few more times. 

The tech. now told me that he was involved in a clinical study and they wanted to see if patients liked the white liquid or water better.  I laughed so hard I almost burped again!  The assistant gave me some water to drink and it was shortly over.  The tech. asked me which I like better and I told him not to talk to me.  (laughs)  I guess it's good he was making light of that horrible stuff, but I just wanted to throw up.

The tech. explained to me that everything looked normal (no tumors or odd things), except that I have a bit of reflux.   I was a bit worried so I called my mother in-law.  She's an xray tech herself.  She told me it was no big deal and it would probably go away when I lost weight.  I went home and read  up on it and thought to myself, "Yeah.  I have that.  I thought everyone did."

I came home, promptly went and got sick, and then took a 2 hour nap.  I had to be at work by noon and needed to pick up lunch for my friend on the way.  I feel fine now.  I ate lunch and dinner without issue.  I'm glad that experience is over.

Bump update or bumpdate for short!

About my bump in the road, on Friday after work I got a message saying they had gotten me my Upper GI scheduled for THIS MONDAY at 7:30am.  This makes me a little nervous because I have to get a sub for me at work.  I also have to get my plans to work before I get to the appointment.  

The person who normally schedules subs (awesome lady) is away.  I called and left a message for the person who is filling in for her (another awesome lady).  I haven't heard back.  I was really looking forward to getting this done so I can move forward.  I'll try to call again on Sunday.  

Can my bump have bumps?  haha  I think mine does!

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This weekend's research: Vitamins

This weekend Jeff and I have been researching different types of vitamins that I can take Post-Op.  It's a little overwhelming.  There are lots of different options, some formulated for bariatric patients, and some not. 

I really think I need to talk to my nutritionist about this again.  She said I could take a regular multi-vitamin, but I'm not so sure.  There's a lot of information out there and it's honestly all overwhelming.  

An odd thing is that on bariatric message boards, they refer to a nutritionist as a "nut."  That's really an odd way to refer to him or her.  

I am currently looking at trying this vitamin to see how I like it. 

Pre-Op Requirements... bump...

Bump...

What’s that?  That’s another bump in the road.

So, the pre-op requirements are pretty extensive.  Let’s go through them. 

Physical Examination – Done.  My thyroid has gone crazy again.  This led me to see a new endocrinologist.  He has upped my thyroid medicine.  I’m taking it by the way. 

Psychological Evaluation – Done.  No word if I passed.  I sat and talked to a psychiatrist for a half hour then went and took a computer questionnaire with OVER 500 questions!  What kind of questions?  Well they were all true or false and they ranged from, “Someone is trying to poison me.” to “When I play games, I like to win.” to “I hear voices no one else hears.”  I suppose it’s possible I didn’t pass, but with those statements, it seems unlikely (False, True, False, btw). 

Nutritional Counseling – Done.  We met with her and there weren’t any big shockers.  I had already read about the two weeks pre and post surgery having to be on a liquid diet.  She did show us some brands of protein shakes.  I have to have protein drinks that have 4 or less grams of sugar.  She suggested I start trying them to see what I like.  We’ve started that.  The “OH MY GOD” thing she said was actually kind of silly.  I can never take Motrin again.  I can only have Tylenol.  No alcohol for 6 months to a year I was able to take in stride.  No Motrin?  I felt like I was going to go crazy!  That’s my go-to drug of choice!  Whoa. 

Register on EXEMPLO – Done.  It’s a patient portal kind of thing that let’s you see your status, log your essentials, and communicate with the office without them having to actually talk to you. 

Hour long video where you watch a bypass done with disgusting cameras – Done and gross.

Blood Work – Done.  I hope they did all the tests they needed.  That was more blood than I care to give.

Pap Smear within the last year – Done. 

Weight history for the last two years – Done.  My OB/GYN submitted this.  They have seen me a lot during the infertility stuff. 

Upper GI – NOT DONE!  (bump)  Originally, I thought I didn't have to do this because my form said "For Adjustable Gastric Band patients."  Apparently, they have changed their mind and now want everyone to have this.  I have been trying to schedule this for 4 work days now.  I’m now sure why this is so hard to schedule. I wish I could have known this when I scheduled all my other appointments.  Bump... 

That’s where I’m at with my Pre-Op requirements.  Let’s see how many typos Jeff can find in this entry!  Apparently, I was typing “loose” instead of “lose” in the last one (fixed).  Who said teachers needed to be able to spell?  HA!

How Did I Get Here?

I have had lots that I have wanted to document lately, but I have felt that I couldn’t until I explain how I got here. 

It was the summer of 2004.  Jeff and I had been married for a year.  We were in the  Home Depot parking lot, walking back to our car.  Jeff turned to me to tell me that HIS “clock was ticking.”  I explained to him that he didn’t have a clock, but the point was still there, Jeff was ready to start a family.  For the next six months, we tried without really trying.  That December, we starting trying more strategically (looking at the calendar for optimum times).  After a year had passed, I started getting horrible pains.  These pains were actually from having a cyst and endometriosis which required surgery.  During my post-op appointment with Dr. S. we talked about how we had been trying.  He explained to my husband and myself that, “Women have a fatometer.”  Essentially, he was trying to explain how really heavy and really skinny women have trouble conceiving. 

Well, we were a bit put off by Dr. S’s lack of bed side manner, so we consulted my OB/GYN Goddess Extraordinaire, Dr. M.  She wanted to start me on Clomid (as my mom had), but it turns out that I had more cysts requiring surgery. 

After two surgeries, several “painless procedures” (which were not painless at all and which detail is really moot for this blog’s purposes), monthly internal ultrasounds, shots, pills, and blood tests, Dr. M. and her wonderful colleague, Dr. W., sent me to a very reputable fertility clinic.  Lots of things were said about my levels, my thyroid, my Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (which will be referred to as PCOS henceforth), but the bottom line is I needed to lose weight to get pregnant.  How much weight?  I needed to lose 106.5 lbs to be at the BMI I needed to achieve in order to get pregnant.  The doctor said I should lose this in 6 months to a year (that’s right, the doctor wanted me to lose between and 8.9 and 17.75 pounds PER MONTH). 

Amazingly enough, I actually was doing pretty well.  I lost 39 lbs in a year (only 3.25 lbs per month) and got my thyroid under control!  I called the doctor at the fertility clinic and was told by his nurse that he wanted me to lose “at least another 60 pounds before the doctor will see you again.”  This may sound very well and good, but I had really worked hard for those 39.  I had plateaued for the past two months.  Another 60 pounds seemed impossible.  It would be like if I told you (and you alone) that you had to build a house without any tools.  You could read books about houses being built.  You could watch a video of houses being built, you could have someone giving you step by step instructions on how to build the house, but when it comes down to it, it’s your hands and  you.  Oh yeah.  And get it done in 6 months to a year.  During this time, still keep down your job, your marriage, and all other responsibilities. 

I know it sound like I’m being dramatic, but that IS how I feel.  This is my blog and my story. 

I think it’s also important to note that I have always been heavier.  I have never had my weight “under control.”  Even now, I don’t eat a lot more than the average person, but am twice the weight of my friends.  I don’t drink soda or coffee.  I have a small salad and small sandwich for lunch every day at work.  I eat apples for my snack with my students.  My dinner is usually chicken based with a starch and a veggie.  At home, if I have dessert it’s normally fat free pudding.  The whole thing is just so frustrating. 

Everyone has their own solution for me too.  Some people tell me to eat a big breakfast, medium lunch, and small dinner.  Others tell me only eat between 5-10pm.  Others tell me to take a prescription pill (Ionamin®) to over the counter drugs (Alli®). 

In October, Jeff and I started looking into Bariatric options.  It still seems like a ton of work, but (going back to the house reference) it’s like a hammer.  It’d be easier to build that house if someone would just give me a hammer!  After researching and meeting with Dr. B, we’ve been moving forward on me having a Gastric Bypass.  I need help and hopefully this will allow me to be successful in my weight loss and Jeff and I can finally have our family. 

We’ve told some friends, my parents, Jeff’s mom, and Jeff’s sister.  Once I have a date, I’ll tell everyone.  We’re going to “live this out loud.”  There is no reason to feel ashamed.  I need help.  I hope I have your support. 

I’ll probably write more on this decision in later posts, but I’m exhausted.  Jeff is in Boston for work and I need to take Moxie out again before bedtime.