Things have been hard.
I felt so good after my first surgery. I was energetic and positive. The two surgeries I had after that have really slowed me down. I like to think of myself as the girl who can do anything (and everything) all of the time. I'm not that girl right now. I feel tired a lot of the time. My belly is sore. I have eight inch incision going down my body which I think looks hideous, despite Jeff's reassurance. So there's that.
I'm a week behind where I was supposed to be as far as eating because of my additional surgeries. I currently am supposed to be eating pureed and soft foods that are a significant protein source. I cannot explain how old that gets. I think I liked liquids better.
I know Jeff has to eat, but I feel like I die a little inside when I see him eating yummy food. Sandwiches, mac and cheese, Wendy's french fries that sound so beautifully crunchy, burgers and fries from Five Guys, fried shrimp, tomatoes, salad, ice cream, subs, tortillas... Just being able to chew... I know this is temporary, but it's hard to watch. Food on TV is hard too. We've been watching this new show Louie and the actor eats a slice of pizza in the opening credits. It's ridiculous, but it ends up in my dreams.
My dreams! I keep dreaming that I'm eating different things and then realize I'm not supposed to be doing that! I wake up startled and alarmed. It was just a dream! I really didn't eat that grilled hot dog. Phew! But I still awake in a panic.
Last night and this morning I drank something that didn't agree with me. I had pain and tenderness where my stomach is. In my head, I worry that it's happening again. This is the kind of pain I had last time I had to go to the hospital. This is the kind of pain that brought me two emergency surgeries. I don't want this pain. Why am I going through this? And then it gets better and I realize it was different.
See, I had almost two weeks of the "normal" recovery period. I know what is was supposed to be like. I know how I was supposed to feel. Now, I feel much different. I am tired and lack enthusiasm for life. I feel like I need help, but there's nothing anyone can really do to help me. And I'm really sad about a friend. I feel like I have gotten to see how true my friendships (and family members) were through this. I guess being in a stage where you're scared to undergo your third surgery in 15 days... scared that you're going to die... I guess it puts things in perspective. People who I didn't know cared about me so much (friends and family) really stepped up and showed me that I am important to them. But, somehow, I also saw who hasn't been there and it has been truly devastating. I feel like a piece of me has been cut out (besides the piece of me that actually was cut out - ha).
So, Mike and other people who have asked, that's how I'm doing. I'm moving forward one day at a time; I'm tired; I'm a bit down; I am thankful; I am sad. I'm a lot of things I guess.
I did travel to Seabrook Island, SC to see my teammate get married last weekend. I was able to see the ceremony and stay for an hour of the reception. After that, I was too tired and Jeff took me back to the house we rented with our friends. I'm glad I was up to going. On Saturday, I'm scheduled to fly to Ohio to see my dear friend Cheryl. It's good to have something to look forward to. It makes me hopeful; I guess you can add hopeful to the list.
P.S. I saw a quote I liked today: "Tough times never last, but tough people do." Robert H. Schuller
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
My stats July 26, 2010
| 6/20/2010 | 7/26/2010 | |
| Weight: | 281.8 lbs | 246 lbs |
| Wrist: | 7 in. | 6.75 in. |
| Forearm: | 11.25 in. | 10.625 in. |
| Upper Arm: | 14 in. | 13.75 in. |
| Neck: | 17 in. | 15.625 in |
| Bust: | 52 in. | 47.75 in. |
| Waist: | 48.2 in. | 45.5 in. |
| Hips: | 56.75 in. | 52.75 in. |
| Thigh: | 31.5 in. | 28.75 in. |
| Calf: | 20 in. | 18.25 in. |
| Ankle: | 10.75 in. | 10.175 in. |
| Ring size: | 9 | 8.5 |
| Shoe size: | 9.5WW | 9.5 WW |
Monday, July 12, 2010
One Big Complication (ME)
[Otherwise titled: Houston, we have a problem, and that problem is Jessica]
I know I haven't posted in a bit. There's a very good reason for that! I had to go back to the hospital. I'm going to give you the short story, as this is the first day it doesn't hurt to sit at my computer.
Friday, July 2: Around 11pm I start having major pain. I wake up around 3am and am throwing up and... well, let's just say I required a toilet and a garbage can at one time. This persists on and off for hours.
Saturday, July 3: I call Dr. B. at 8:30am. He ANSWERS THE PHONE (himself) and we talk about my night. Dr. B. tells me to go to the ER right away. We go to the ER and I get examined and I get a CT Scan. We wait and wait for someone to come and tell us what is wrong with me. The ER doctor has prescribed me some pain medicine, which helped a lot. To our surprise, Dr. B. walks in. He tells us there is a black spot on my CT and that he needs to operate. Here's that conversation:
Dr. B.: I'm going to need to go back in and operate.
Jess: When?
Dr. B.: Now.
Jess: Do I have time to call my mom?
Dr. B.: If you can do it quickly.
Whoa. So, this crazy orderly who told me "not to look into the light" wheels me down to pre-op. They pre-op me. Some of the staff recognizes me from Surgery1.
I kiss Jeff farewell, and off I go!
The rest of the day is a bit fuzzy, but Collette came and relieved Jeff. I was still in pain after the surgery. The whole day was very confusing.
Sunday, July 4: I am still in pain. It seems to be getting worse. Dr. B. comes by late that night and determines he needs to remove a little part of my small intestine the next morning. All night, I go a little crazy. I ask Jeff if he's sure we should do this. I worry that we're doing the right thing. I mean 3 surgeries in 15 days? It does sound a little crazy, right?
Monday, July 5: I get wheeled down to surgery by the same Crazy Orderly around 8am or so. This surgery is "open" as opposed to the laparoscopic way he had been going about it before. This means he actually cuts me open and uses his hands, opposed to using little probes and whatnot. It lasts over 3 hours. All in all, I felt better after I got out, though I was very confused from all the anesthesia and pain medicine.
It was a long night that night.
Tuesday, July 6: Around 5am I am awoken to take pills or something and my head is back "with it." Jeff is very relieved about that.
Wednesday, July 7: I'm mostly off my pain medicine and am tiring of the hospital.
Thursday, July 8: Dr. B. discharges me from the hospital! I am elated. At some point, I said to Dr. B. that he has to have records of his surgeries and I am now listed as a complication. Dr. B. made reference to this being the worst complication he has ever had. Apparently, there was one other patient one time, but it wasn't as bad as me. Lucky me. I'm his #1 complication.
I know I haven't posted in a bit. There's a very good reason for that! I had to go back to the hospital. I'm going to give you the short story, as this is the first day it doesn't hurt to sit at my computer.
Friday, July 2: Around 11pm I start having major pain. I wake up around 3am and am throwing up and... well, let's just say I required a toilet and a garbage can at one time. This persists on and off for hours.
Saturday, July 3: I call Dr. B. at 8:30am. He ANSWERS THE PHONE (himself) and we talk about my night. Dr. B. tells me to go to the ER right away. We go to the ER and I get examined and I get a CT Scan. We wait and wait for someone to come and tell us what is wrong with me. The ER doctor has prescribed me some pain medicine, which helped a lot. To our surprise, Dr. B. walks in. He tells us there is a black spot on my CT and that he needs to operate. Here's that conversation:
Dr. B.: I'm going to need to go back in and operate.
Jess: When?
Dr. B.: Now.
Jess: Do I have time to call my mom?
Dr. B.: If you can do it quickly.
Whoa. So, this crazy orderly who told me "not to look into the light" wheels me down to pre-op. They pre-op me. Some of the staff recognizes me from Surgery1.
I kiss Jeff farewell, and off I go!
Surgery Number 2
The rest of the day is a bit fuzzy, but Collette came and relieved Jeff. I was still in pain after the surgery. The whole day was very confusing.
Sunday, July 4: I am still in pain. It seems to be getting worse. Dr. B. comes by late that night and determines he needs to remove a little part of my small intestine the next morning. All night, I go a little crazy. I ask Jeff if he's sure we should do this. I worry that we're doing the right thing. I mean 3 surgeries in 15 days? It does sound a little crazy, right?
Crazy Orderly
It was a long night that night.
Tuesday, July 6: Around 5am I am awoken to take pills or something and my head is back "with it." Jeff is very relieved about that.
Wednesday, July 7: I'm mostly off my pain medicine and am tiring of the hospital.
Thursday, July 8: Dr. B. discharges me from the hospital! I am elated. At some point, I said to Dr. B. that he has to have records of his surgeries and I am now listed as a complication. Dr. B. made reference to this being the worst complication he has ever had. Apparently, there was one other patient one time, but it wasn't as bad as me. Lucky me. I'm his #1 complication.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
9 days out
It's been nine days since surgery. I'm doing fairly well. I've got the pill thing down. We've perfected drinking at least 60 ounces of protein. Today I had it all done by 8:30! Woot! I also had my minimum of 60 ounces of water down by 8:30pm! Double woot! I walked 4 laps around Concord Mills today. 4 laps = 4 miles = 1 hour and 30 minutes. Super!
I can say I've missed chewing this week. It's an odd thing. You spend your life chewing food and think nothing of it; you enjoy tasting things that are pleasant. Not chewing for 10 days now has been odd. Something we've done to help is make chicken bouillon broth. It tastes like food, kinda. Today I had an idea that topped that! Jeff ordered chicken noodle soup from the Chinese restaurant up the road. He ate all the noodles and chicken. I got to have the broth. It was sooooo good. It tasted like food. After 10 days of drinking semi-chocolate, semi-vanilla, and semi-strawberry things, it was amazing!
My first day home, I had a dream about eating a grilled hot dog. My second day home, I had a dream about eating cake at work. My third day home, I had a dream that I could go do the bathroom and do more than pee. At least the third one came true. It's funny how my dreams shifted from food to other things I used to be able to do normally. I think the body craves what it is used to. Even if that isn't a very pleasant thing.
I had my one-week post-op appointment. They took my staples out and Dr. B. cleared me for driving. He said things were going well, though he did give me a hard time for not having a water bottle with me. Where was my water bottle? On the dining room table. Apparently, having it out, but leaving it home, doesn't help me consume water. Who knew?
My one-month post-op appointment is on July 20. It's not a whole month, but it is 4 weeks and 1 day. My mother-in-law will be here. I was hoping that it would be when my mom was here, but my "second mom" is good too. There is always something comforting about having your mom around. She's like chicken soup broth -- just comforting to have.
Brandy, the girl who had the bypass the Friday before me, is doing well minus her being allergic to the Steri strips they used when they took our staples out. The woman who had the bypass the day after me (we met in the hospital) worries me. She has been taking her protein with "sugar-free ice cream." That can't be good. Not only do I think it messes up our dietary requirements, but is eating ice cream several times a day helping to get into better eating habits? I worry. I want all three of us to do well! I invited her over to try the stuff I have, but I don't know if she'll take me up on that offer.
My friends have been PHENOMENAL with helping me walk this week! I've been walked (again, like a dog) by Caitlin, Lianne, Wade, Lianne (and a little bit Thierry), Kathleen, Collette, Jeff (of course), Niki, and tomorrow and Friday by Leigh and Beth! Team Kawski is going strong! WOOT!
* In a previous post, I said that I thought only Collette would visit/think of me. Because I'm afraid for my life, let me note that I never doubted that my friend Cheryl would light a vigil, pray, call, and send a lovely rose bush. She lives in Ohio, but we talk several times a month and I am visiting her in the end of July and the beginning of August. She is amazing and my life is better because she is in it. There. Please don't hurt me now.
I can say I've missed chewing this week. It's an odd thing. You spend your life chewing food and think nothing of it; you enjoy tasting things that are pleasant. Not chewing for 10 days now has been odd. Something we've done to help is make chicken bouillon broth. It tastes like food, kinda. Today I had an idea that topped that! Jeff ordered chicken noodle soup from the Chinese restaurant up the road. He ate all the noodles and chicken. I got to have the broth. It was sooooo good. It tasted like food. After 10 days of drinking semi-chocolate, semi-vanilla, and semi-strawberry things, it was amazing!
My first day home, I had a dream about eating a grilled hot dog. My second day home, I had a dream about eating cake at work. My third day home, I had a dream that I could go do the bathroom and do more than pee. At least the third one came true. It's funny how my dreams shifted from food to other things I used to be able to do normally. I think the body craves what it is used to. Even if that isn't a very pleasant thing.
I had my one-week post-op appointment. They took my staples out and Dr. B. cleared me for driving. He said things were going well, though he did give me a hard time for not having a water bottle with me. Where was my water bottle? On the dining room table. Apparently, having it out, but leaving it home, doesn't help me consume water. Who knew?
My one-month post-op appointment is on July 20. It's not a whole month, but it is 4 weeks and 1 day. My mother-in-law will be here. I was hoping that it would be when my mom was here, but my "second mom" is good too. There is always something comforting about having your mom around. She's like chicken soup broth -- just comforting to have.
Brandy, the girl who had the bypass the Friday before me, is doing well minus her being allergic to the Steri strips they used when they took our staples out. The woman who had the bypass the day after me (we met in the hospital) worries me. She has been taking her protein with "sugar-free ice cream." That can't be good. Not only do I think it messes up our dietary requirements, but is eating ice cream several times a day helping to get into better eating habits? I worry. I want all three of us to do well! I invited her over to try the stuff I have, but I don't know if she'll take me up on that offer.
My friends have been PHENOMENAL with helping me walk this week! I've been walked (again, like a dog) by Caitlin, Lianne, Wade, Lianne (and a little bit Thierry), Kathleen, Collette, Jeff (of course), Niki, and tomorrow and Friday by Leigh and Beth! Team Kawski is going strong! WOOT!
* In a previous post, I said that I thought only Collette would visit/think of me. Because I'm afraid for my life, let me note that I never doubted that my friend Cheryl would light a vigil, pray, call, and send a lovely rose bush. She lives in Ohio, but we talk several times a month and I am visiting her in the end of July and the beginning of August. She is amazing and my life is better because she is in it. There. Please don't hurt me now.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Hospital Photos
I think I look too good for surgery! Are we really doing this? Did I mention it's my anniversary? Can I get the honeymoon suite? Jess weighed in at 279 after her "cleaning out" the previous night. (Why do I look so good? HAIR GEL!!!)
Sadly, I wasn't at Red Lobster. I was waiting to be admitted.
I kind of wish they'd take me to the Operating Room BEFORE surgery, not during. Yikes!
Here are the volunteers that got me flowers for my anniversary.
My sexy toes!
My legs were ready for take off!
Jeff and I were trying to remain in good spirits, though we were scared.
Me after surgery. Unconscious. Will I wake up? You'll never know!
Oh! I did wake up! Phew! I don't know how you made it through that cliffhanger. The fact that I'm writing this didn't give me away, did it?
I kept trying to keep my glasses on, but I was soooo drugged up I could hardly stay awake.
My post-op bandages
Yes, they meant staples when they said it.
Here's my inflated post-surgery stomach. They have to pump you with air during surgery and it makes your belly expand a bit. The air has to come out from your top or your bottom!
Visitors, Calls, and Gifts... Oh My!
I want to give a special thank you to my friends visited me in the hospital or at home.
On Monday I got the "dead person's flowers" from the volunteers. Suzana from New York sent me flowers. That was VERY thoughtful! Collette came by on Monday, not that I really remember that much of her visit. She brought me a Hoops and Yoyo toy that tells me that I "smell good" and a cute card with HER VOICE on it telling me I'm FANtastic.
On Tuesday Brandy visited! I could not believe my eyes when I saw her! She just had her surgery on FRIDAY! Wow! She looked good too! Gloria stopped in and gave me some love. We talked about something what was going on in her life and that took my focus off myself (which was really good!). Then we received a rosebush from Cheryl in Ohio! I can plant this at home and it'll grow every year! It was so kind! Next, I got flowers from JEFF! I jokingly accused him of buying them downstairs in the gift show so he wouldn't be up-shown, but he assured me he ordered them a bit ago. After that Shannon came by with a really funny book of odd family portraits! I LOVED IT! Sadly, I couldn't read it in the hospital because it hurt so much to laugh. I'm saving it for any day now. Collette came back with 20 balloons to cheer up my room. She had a vision of putting 5 in each corner, but the wind messed them up and they were all tangled! I loved them together! They looked so beautiful! She kept trying to separate them, and I kept telling her to stop. Being that I had six holes in my stomach, and she had none, I won. haha I also got a phone call from Mari who was on vacation. It was SO NICE to hear her voice. Collette came by again. Last, Thierry and Lianne stopped in to visit. I felt very loved Tuesday.
On Wednesday, I was discharged. Before I left, Rebecca (my teammate) and her fiance' Nehemiah stopped in. They brought me a very sweet book with daily prayers. I reminded me a little bit of the books my dad gives me around the Catholic holiday seasons. While Jeff was out of the room, Collette's minister, Kirk came by to visit with me. He was very kind and wished me well. We talked a little bit about my Christian experience, my husband's experience, and his wife who I used to work with.
On Thursday, I got another card from my parents and I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers from work! I wasn't sure with all that was going on at work they would remember me, but Jeff told me I was silly and just needed to be patient.
The week before my surgery, I told Jeff I thought that Collette would be the only one to visit or think of me. I was really wrong, and it was really affirming. I am so glad that I have so many people who care about me. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart!
On Monday I got the "dead person's flowers" from the volunteers. Suzana from New York sent me flowers. That was VERY thoughtful! Collette came by on Monday, not that I really remember that much of her visit. She brought me a Hoops and Yoyo toy that tells me that I "smell good" and a cute card with HER VOICE on it telling me I'm FANtastic.
On Tuesday Brandy visited! I could not believe my eyes when I saw her! She just had her surgery on FRIDAY! Wow! She looked good too! Gloria stopped in and gave me some love. We talked about something what was going on in her life and that took my focus off myself (which was really good!). Then we received a rosebush from Cheryl in Ohio! I can plant this at home and it'll grow every year! It was so kind! Next, I got flowers from JEFF! I jokingly accused him of buying them downstairs in the gift show so he wouldn't be up-shown, but he assured me he ordered them a bit ago. After that Shannon came by with a really funny book of odd family portraits! I LOVED IT! Sadly, I couldn't read it in the hospital because it hurt so much to laugh. I'm saving it for any day now. Collette came back with 20 balloons to cheer up my room. She had a vision of putting 5 in each corner, but the wind messed them up and they were all tangled! I loved them together! They looked so beautiful! She kept trying to separate them, and I kept telling her to stop. Being that I had six holes in my stomach, and she had none, I won. haha I also got a phone call from Mari who was on vacation. It was SO NICE to hear her voice. Collette came by again. Last, Thierry and Lianne stopped in to visit. I felt very loved Tuesday.
On Wednesday, I was discharged. Before I left, Rebecca (my teammate) and her fiance' Nehemiah stopped in. They brought me a very sweet book with daily prayers. I reminded me a little bit of the books my dad gives me around the Catholic holiday seasons. While Jeff was out of the room, Collette's minister, Kirk came by to visit with me. He was very kind and wished me well. We talked a little bit about my Christian experience, my husband's experience, and his wife who I used to work with.
On Thursday, I got another card from my parents and I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers from work! I wasn't sure with all that was going on at work they would remember me, but Jeff told me I was silly and just needed to be patient.
The week before my surgery, I told Jeff I thought that Collette would be the only one to visit or think of me. I was really wrong, and it was really affirming. I am so glad that I have so many people who care about me. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart!
I'm home and apparently a dog.
I returned home from the hospital yesterday afternoon. At first I was very confused by the directions. They said I was supposed to drink up to two ounces of protein shake an hour, but get in 60grams of protein in the whole day. If I stayed on the shake they were giving me in the hospital, I'd have to drink for 22 hours a day! Certainly that can't be right?!
So I called my nut. and my surgeon's nurse and left messages. The nut. called me back and told me that powdered protein drinks were much more protein potent. We had some and she was right. If I could drink 8 or 9 two ounce servings, I can make my requirement. Phew!
Next is water. I'm supposed to drink 60 ounces of water a day. I can do that... right? We're going to start measuring that more carefully tomorrow.
Last is walking. I'm supposed to walk for 2 periods of thirty minutes. This wasn't a problem, until the temperature decided to stay between 90 and 103 degrees this week. Dr. B. told me I should walk INDOORS because he didn't think my water intake could keep up with dehydration from being in such heat! This was not the best news! As I was simmering over this (pun intended), a volunteer at the hospital told me she's a member of Pitts Baptist Church with is right down the road from my development (like two-tenths of a mile!). She said they have an indoor track that I could use. I asked her if she was sure it was open to the public. She said it was. Well, I called yesterday, explained my situation and what the volunteer at the hospital had said. I was promptly told by the lady who answered the phone that it is not open to the public. I must have a member with me to use their indoor track. Apparently Jesus only shared with the people HE broke bread with? Oh well. There's still the mall. They let vagrants like Jeff and I walk there.
Today, Jeff drove me to Concord Mills. We walked a lap and stopped into a store and bought a few gifts for people. I posted on facebook and a few text messages today that I am looking for someone to come and walk me. Yes, walk me. I'm like a dog. I need to walk twice a day for at least 30 minutes a time and I can't drive yet, so I need someone to take me there. Email or call me if you want to join the Jessica walking team!
So I called my nut. and my surgeon's nurse and left messages. The nut. called me back and told me that powdered protein drinks were much more protein potent. We had some and she was right. If I could drink 8 or 9 two ounce servings, I can make my requirement. Phew!
Next is water. I'm supposed to drink 60 ounces of water a day. I can do that... right? We're going to start measuring that more carefully tomorrow.
Last is walking. I'm supposed to walk for 2 periods of thirty minutes. This wasn't a problem, until the temperature decided to stay between 90 and 103 degrees this week. Dr. B. told me I should walk INDOORS because he didn't think my water intake could keep up with dehydration from being in such heat! This was not the best news! As I was simmering over this (pun intended), a volunteer at the hospital told me she's a member of Pitts Baptist Church with is right down the road from my development (like two-tenths of a mile!). She said they have an indoor track that I could use. I asked her if she was sure it was open to the public. She said it was. Well, I called yesterday, explained my situation and what the volunteer at the hospital had said. I was promptly told by the lady who answered the phone that it is not open to the public. I must have a member with me to use their indoor track. Apparently Jesus only shared with the people HE broke bread with? Oh well. There's still the mall. They let vagrants like Jeff and I walk there.
Today, Jeff drove me to Concord Mills. We walked a lap and stopped into a store and bought a few gifts for people. I posted on facebook and a few text messages today that I am looking for someone to come and walk me. Yes, walk me. I'm like a dog. I need to walk twice a day for at least 30 minutes a time and I can't drive yet, so I need someone to take me there. Email or call me if you want to join the Jessica walking team!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
The next day.
Jeff here again.
Overall things have gone well.
The surgery took about two hours. Once complete, Dr. B found me in the waiting room and quickly told me there were no issues and no complications. Typical Dr. B, I could easily measure the time talking to me in seconds. About 10 minutes later, one of the surgery center staff tried to set up a consultation room for me. I told him he missed the boat, and Dr. B already found me.
About an hour later, they told me Jess was getting out of recovery and being sent to her room. After gathering my backpack, my laptop and 2 bouquets of flowers and navigating the maze of corridors and elevators, I finally got to her room.
(Note to hospitals: if you have patient rooms in different buildings and different elevators that aren't connected, maybe you should label that as such on the main lobby. Main lobby that is on the second floor, mind you. Grrr.)
So far Jess has been in some pain, but nothing that can't be managed. Morphine drips and morphine shots and pills galore.
Jess was able to start taking 1 oz of water per hour since 6 am today. She is now up to 2 oz of water per hour as well as 1 oz of protein drink. She seems to like the taste of the Adkins’s Vanilla flavor. That's good, because that will be easy to find in the store.
During the surgery they left a drainage tube in. About 6 inches of the drainage tube was inside her, secured with a suture and some staples. That filled up a few times yesterday and overnight. This morning it was fairly clear so they took it out around Noon. That went quickly, but it sure did seem painful. I don't see how yanking 6 inches of tubing from your abdomen wouldn't be. The staples will be taken out during her follow up visit next week.
Dr. B is adamant about having his patients walk after their surgery, including that day. I think that's great. Apparently there is lots of evidence to show that walking that soon after surgery will lessen the chance of blood clots and hasten recovery time. Yesterday, Jess only had the strength to walk to the bathroom and a little bit outside her door. However, so far today, Jess has taken a total of 6 separate laps around this wing of the hospital. I'm very proud of her. I'm sure we'll probably take 1 or 2 more before the day is over.
There have been lots of visitors and gifts and phone calls today. As well as all the nice blog and facebook comments. Thank you all so much for showing how much you care. The 20 heart-shaped mylar balloons may be a little overkill, but Jess and I know how crazy C is.
It looks like Jess should get discharged tomorrow. We'll find out when Dr. B visits tomorrow, but so far there seems like no reason she won't be.
Overall things have gone well.
The surgery took about two hours. Once complete, Dr. B found me in the waiting room and quickly told me there were no issues and no complications. Typical Dr. B, I could easily measure the time talking to me in seconds. About 10 minutes later, one of the surgery center staff tried to set up a consultation room for me. I told him he missed the boat, and Dr. B already found me.
About an hour later, they told me Jess was getting out of recovery and being sent to her room. After gathering my backpack, my laptop and 2 bouquets of flowers and navigating the maze of corridors and elevators, I finally got to her room.
(Note to hospitals: if you have patient rooms in different buildings and different elevators that aren't connected, maybe you should label that as such on the main lobby. Main lobby that is on the second floor, mind you. Grrr.)
So far Jess has been in some pain, but nothing that can't be managed. Morphine drips and morphine shots and pills galore.
Jess was able to start taking 1 oz of water per hour since 6 am today. She is now up to 2 oz of water per hour as well as 1 oz of protein drink. She seems to like the taste of the Adkins’s Vanilla flavor. That's good, because that will be easy to find in the store.
During the surgery they left a drainage tube in. About 6 inches of the drainage tube was inside her, secured with a suture and some staples. That filled up a few times yesterday and overnight. This morning it was fairly clear so they took it out around Noon. That went quickly, but it sure did seem painful. I don't see how yanking 6 inches of tubing from your abdomen wouldn't be. The staples will be taken out during her follow up visit next week.
Dr. B is adamant about having his patients walk after their surgery, including that day. I think that's great. Apparently there is lots of evidence to show that walking that soon after surgery will lessen the chance of blood clots and hasten recovery time. Yesterday, Jess only had the strength to walk to the bathroom and a little bit outside her door. However, so far today, Jess has taken a total of 6 separate laps around this wing of the hospital. I'm very proud of her. I'm sure we'll probably take 1 or 2 more before the day is over.
There have been lots of visitors and gifts and phone calls today. As well as all the nice blog and facebook comments. Thank you all so much for showing how much you care. The 20 heart-shaped mylar balloons may be a little overkill, but Jess and I know how crazy C is.
It looks like Jess should get discharged tomorrow. We'll find out when Dr. B visits tomorrow, but so far there seems like no reason she won't be.
Monday, June 21, 2010
...and she's away.
Jeff here.
They just took Jess away.
So far it's been a day of hurry up and wait.
The morning started at 6:30 with a text message. Since she was already up, and wanted plenty of time to dry her hair, she got up. So, she's been antsy for a while, ready to get this thing started.
After packing up, and a flurry of phone calls, we were off to the Surgery Center. Jess was telling everyone that it was our anniversary. One of the staff, in a very nice gesture, got Jess a small bouquet of flowers. The flowers were a few days old, possibly taken out some dead guy's room, but the thought was very nice. I tried to take credit for the gesture, but Jess saw right through me. Damn. At least I gave her a nice card this morning.
It took about an hour before they took us back to start to get ready. There was a very nice nurse helping Jess. It kept taking her a few moments to understand Jess's jokes and snarky comments, but she seemed entertained none-the-less. We got some nice pictures of the sexy surgical stockings and inflatable leg cuff contraptions. Check the flickr page in a week or two.
After more waiting, the anesthesiologist came in to talk to us and expertly put in her IV. Really. Many of you know how much I hate needles, and even I was impressed. I want this guy to draw my blood.
Yet more waiting. Jess wanted her iPod to play some solitaire and proceeded to lose several games in a row. She was rather unsettled, as she doesn't feel complete until she wins a game. I was able to use the hospital wifi to connect to her Facebook page. I'll try to keep updating that when I can.
Dr. B checked in. In true Dr. B fashion, he was very succinct and to the point. A few comments about her blood sugar level, and he was in and out. Maybe 2 minutes top.
Jess was then able to win a game of solitaire, so she felt a bit easier.
Another person from the anesthesiologist staff came to give her a margarita syringe.
A kiss and an I love you, and they wheeled her away.
They just took Jess away.
So far it's been a day of hurry up and wait.
The morning started at 6:30 with a text message. Since she was already up, and wanted plenty of time to dry her hair, she got up. So, she's been antsy for a while, ready to get this thing started.
After packing up, and a flurry of phone calls, we were off to the Surgery Center. Jess was telling everyone that it was our anniversary. One of the staff, in a very nice gesture, got Jess a small bouquet of flowers. The flowers were a few days old, possibly taken out some dead guy's room, but the thought was very nice. I tried to take credit for the gesture, but Jess saw right through me. Damn. At least I gave her a nice card this morning.
It took about an hour before they took us back to start to get ready. There was a very nice nurse helping Jess. It kept taking her a few moments to understand Jess's jokes and snarky comments, but she seemed entertained none-the-less. We got some nice pictures of the sexy surgical stockings and inflatable leg cuff contraptions. Check the flickr page in a week or two.
After more waiting, the anesthesiologist came in to talk to us and expertly put in her IV. Really. Many of you know how much I hate needles, and even I was impressed. I want this guy to draw my blood.
Yet more waiting. Jess wanted her iPod to play some solitaire and proceeded to lose several games in a row. She was rather unsettled, as she doesn't feel complete until she wins a game. I was able to use the hospital wifi to connect to her Facebook page. I'll try to keep updating that when I can.
Dr. B checked in. In true Dr. B fashion, he was very succinct and to the point. A few comments about her blood sugar level, and he was in and out. Maybe 2 minutes top.
Jess was then able to win a game of solitaire, so she felt a bit easier.
Another person from the anesthesiologist staff came to give her a margarita syringe.
A kiss and an I love you, and they wheeled her away.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Are we there yet?
At my pre-op last week, I was given a plethora of prescriptions. You're saying to your self, "Jessica. A plethora? Really?" No. Not really. It's an exaggeration. Did you really need me to explain that?
The thing I am LEAST looking forward to is drinking the bottle of Magnesium Citrate. I need to take it around 5pm. It will "begin [my] bowel prep." I'm supposed to have nothing solid to eat after taking it and only drink liquids until midnight. Fun stuff.
I need to take Avelox tonight before I go to bed. "Avelox is a prescription antibiotic used to treat common respiratory infections including bacterial sinusitis, bronchitis, and pneumonia in adults."
Tonight I have to put on a Transderm Patch. I have to put the patch behind my ear in the evening. I am to remove before showering and then replace it after the shower. This is "Preventing nausea and vomiting associated with motion sickness and recovery from anesthesia and surgery."
[Jeff has "Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros playing in the background. It may be worse than the bowel prep.]
Tonight I have to shower with Hibiclens. Hibiclens "is an antiseptic antimicrobial skin cleanser possessing bactericidal properties." I'm sure it smells like butterflies and roses.
I also take two Nexium capsules tonight at 9pm and 11pm. Nexium helps with "heartburn relief caused by acid reflux."
Tomorrow morning I'll shower again with the Hibiclens, taking off the Transderm Patch and replacing it after. I'll also take my normal medicine in the morning with a "sip" of water.
When I arrive at the hospital, before I check in, I have to take a Reglan. This "is used to treat heartburn caused by gastric reflux."
I am to leave all jewelry at home (no wedding rings). I am not allowed to use hair gel as previously mentioned. Really? No gel? I've had 3 surgeries and ALWAYS had hair gel. Bah. I know I'm overreacting, but it's my prerogative.
I hope I get a good night of sleep tonight, though I'm not actually sure that's possible.
Thank you Aunt Pattie and Mom and Dad for get well cards! I feel loved!
The thing I am LEAST looking forward to is drinking the bottle of Magnesium Citrate. I need to take it around 5pm. It will "begin [my] bowel prep." I'm supposed to have nothing solid to eat after taking it and only drink liquids until midnight. Fun stuff.
I need to take Avelox tonight before I go to bed. "Avelox is a prescription antibiotic used to treat common respiratory infections including bacterial sinusitis, bronchitis, and pneumonia in adults."
Tonight I have to put on a Transderm Patch. I have to put the patch behind my ear in the evening. I am to remove before showering and then replace it after the shower. This is "Preventing nausea and vomiting associated with motion sickness and recovery from anesthesia and surgery."
[Jeff has "Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros playing in the background. It may be worse than the bowel prep.]
Tonight I have to shower with Hibiclens. Hibiclens "is an antiseptic antimicrobial skin cleanser possessing bactericidal properties." I'm sure it smells like butterflies and roses.
I also take two Nexium capsules tonight at 9pm and 11pm. Nexium helps with "heartburn relief caused by acid reflux."
Tomorrow morning I'll shower again with the Hibiclens, taking off the Transderm Patch and replacing it after. I'll also take my normal medicine in the morning with a "sip" of water.
When I arrive at the hospital, before I check in, I have to take a Reglan. This "is used to treat heartburn caused by gastric reflux."
I am to leave all jewelry at home (no wedding rings). I am not allowed to use hair gel as previously mentioned. Really? No gel? I've had 3 surgeries and ALWAYS had hair gel. Bah. I know I'm overreacting, but it's my prerogative.
I hope I get a good night of sleep tonight, though I'm not actually sure that's possible.
Thank you Aunt Pattie and Mom and Dad for get well cards! I feel loved!
The Elephant in the Room... by which I mean me
Well, tomorrow is almost here. I'll be checking into North East Hospital around 10:15 and surgery will start around 12:15ish. I should be out of surgery around 2:30 or 3:00pm.
How am I feeling?
Well, last Monday I met Brandy. She is a girl on met on obesityhelp.com who is having the exact same surgery as me by the exact same surgeon the Friday before me. We met up and had a lot in common. On Saturday, I visited her in the hospital. She was in pain and having trouble keeping down water, but, overall, doing well. That made me feel good.
A few people have asked me how much she weighed or how much I thought the parent at my school weighed before her surgery. I guess this is the elephant in the room. I'm undergoing weight loss surgery, so how much do I weigh?
For the past year or so, I've weighed around 280lbs. When I went on that weight loss kick, I had myself down to 249 (what was when the fertility doctor said I had to lose at least another 60lbs. before he'd see me again. After I had a surgery date and was having lots of "last suppers" (i.e. eating the way people think I eat) I was up to 298lbs. Here are my stats today, June 20, 2010.
Pre-op
Weight: 281.8 lbs
Wrist: 7 in.
Forearm: 11.25 in.
Upper Arm:14 in.
Neck: 17 in.
Bust: 52 in.
Waist: 48.2 in.
Hips: 56.75 in.
Thigh: 31.5 in.
Calf: 20 in.
Ankle: 10.75
Ring size: ?
Shoe size: 9.5WW
I'm going to weigh in and measure myself once a month. I'll post them on my blog. We'll see how many inches I lose as well!
As far as the hospital, I'd love visitors on Tuesday and/or Wednesday morning, not Monday please. Because of all of the construction, they said it is best to park at the surgery center off of Memorial Drive. Maps are available on their website.
Jeff will have my cell phone on him as well as his own. If you want to check in, call and bug him. He'll be playing on his iPhone most likely anyway.
I should be home Wednesday night. For my local peeps, going on walks with me (and Moxie) would be awesome too. Thank you for your love and support!
(hugs and kisses),
Jess
How am I feeling?
Well, last Monday I met Brandy. She is a girl on met on obesityhelp.com who is having the exact same surgery as me by the exact same surgeon the Friday before me. We met up and had a lot in common. On Saturday, I visited her in the hospital. She was in pain and having trouble keeping down water, but, overall, doing well. That made me feel good.
A few people have asked me how much she weighed or how much I thought the parent at my school weighed before her surgery. I guess this is the elephant in the room. I'm undergoing weight loss surgery, so how much do I weigh?
For the past year or so, I've weighed around 280lbs. When I went on that weight loss kick, I had myself down to 249 (what was when the fertility doctor said I had to lose at least another 60lbs. before he'd see me again. After I had a surgery date and was having lots of "last suppers" (i.e. eating the way people think I eat) I was up to 298lbs. Here are my stats today, June 20, 2010.
Pre-op
Weight: 281.8 lbs
Wrist: 7 in.
Forearm: 11.25 in.
Upper Arm:14 in.
Neck: 17 in.
Bust: 52 in.
Waist: 48.2 in.
Hips: 56.75 in.
Thigh: 31.5 in.
Calf: 20 in.
Ankle: 10.75
Ring size: ?
Shoe size: 9.5WW
I'm going to weigh in and measure myself once a month. I'll post them on my blog. We'll see how many inches I lose as well!
As far as the hospital, I'd love visitors on Tuesday and/or Wednesday morning, not Monday please. Because of all of the construction, they said it is best to park at the surgery center off of Memorial Drive. Maps are available on their website.
Jeff will have my cell phone on him as well as his own. If you want to check in, call and bug him. He'll be playing on his iPhone most likely anyway.
I should be home Wednesday night. For my local peeps, going on walks with me (and Moxie) would be awesome too. Thank you for your love and support!
(hugs and kisses),
Jess
Monday, June 14, 2010
Protein Drinks Update
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Sunday, June 13, 2010
Pre-Op Appointments
On Friday I met with Dr. B. for my pre-op appointment. I was VERY nervous that he was going to postpone my surgery because I hadn't lost enough weight. To my surprise, that didn't even come up! Woot!
Before my appointment, I met a lady in the office who is having surgery the day after me. She asked me if I was pre or post op. I told her pre and she looked surprised. That caught me off guard.
Dr. B. answered my burning questions. Remember, I said they were burning, not necessarily important. We talked about when I could drive and fly again. We talked about how I have always wanted to scuba dive. Hurray! I can do that after the surgery... though he did talk out the thought process to that answer, so I may look online to verify. We talked about vitamins for a while. There are SO MANY vitamin choices. I want to pick the right one, but there's no clear right one. I told him I had read that I would have to crush my pills for a few weeks. He responded, "Lies." Apparently, that's not true. Dr. B. is kind of like John Casey from Chuck with less spunk. In the show, John Casey is a very serious and cynical FBI agent who makes funny grunting sounds when he's not pleased. Dr. B. is oddly similar.
What else? I had to sign more papers than imaginable. I guess that's typical for surgery. I read my mom the list of things that I had to sign that could go wrong and even she laughed towards the end. It was almost like, "You could blink wrong and an eyelash could stab you and you can go blind." Alright, slightly less extreme, but not too far off!
We also got all of my pre-op scripts. Holy moly! Maybe I'll run through it all later this week.
Next, we went to meet with the anesthesiologist office. We got there early. The check in lady who asked to go by "Queeny" seemed completely put out. I tried to be funny and she was not interested. Finally I said, "You really are to busy to care right now, right?" (or something to that affect) and she said "Correct." Alrighty then! Jeff said I should appreciate her honesty and efficiency, but you know, sometimes people who are getting ready for surgery need a friendly touch.
Anyway, Queeny sent us to another lady to pay for some hospital charges. This lady was nice, but unprofessionally chatty (what a contrast?!). She told us of her friends who had the same procedure as I am having. She told us about her trip to Texas and how she swam with manatee's or something and how she wanted to swim with dolphins but couldn't because of.... zzz... What? Oh yeah. Chatty-Magee DID have some useful information. My hospital suite will be private (no roomy), have wi-fi, have my own thermostat and is on Dr. B.'s "floor." I'm not clear if he actually has a whole floor or just a wing of a floor. We'll find out. Apparently Dr. B. is very particular and everyone there does things how he wants them. I think that's fabulous!
Next, we returned to wait for the Anesthesiologist. During this time, we read my paperwork from Dr. B. and made fun of construction signs in the hospital. (See below)
When we got called in, we sat there while a very nice lady whose daughter is getting married and used to have blond hair but she died it brown for the wedding (people love to share) filled out some papers. She then asked me a few questions. She talked about how I can't have makeup, rings, or use hair gel the morning of surgery (WHAT? HAVE YOU SEEN MY CURLS?). She talked about my "wishes" if something were to happen to me. Then she left... I looked over my file and got to see my psych report! If that wasn't the most awesome thing in the world, I don't know what is! I got to read what my pre-op psychiatric evaluation said! Too funny. I said things I didn't even know I said. Apparently Jeff gives "neutral advice." haha I certainly never thought that; it's amazing I said it.
Finally an actual Anesthesiologist came in. She briefly went over my paperwork with me and that was it!
Overall, I feel really excited and slightly nervous about my operation. I'll be going in on Monday and coming out on Wednesday if all goes well.
Before my appointment, I met a lady in the office who is having surgery the day after me. She asked me if I was pre or post op. I told her pre and she looked surprised. That caught me off guard.
Dr. B. answered my burning questions. Remember, I said they were burning, not necessarily important. We talked about when I could drive and fly again. We talked about how I have always wanted to scuba dive. Hurray! I can do that after the surgery... though he did talk out the thought process to that answer, so I may look online to verify. We talked about vitamins for a while. There are SO MANY vitamin choices. I want to pick the right one, but there's no clear right one. I told him I had read that I would have to crush my pills for a few weeks. He responded, "Lies." Apparently, that's not true. Dr. B. is kind of like John Casey from Chuck with less spunk. In the show, John Casey is a very serious and cynical FBI agent who makes funny grunting sounds when he's not pleased. Dr. B. is oddly similar.
What else? I had to sign more papers than imaginable. I guess that's typical for surgery. I read my mom the list of things that I had to sign that could go wrong and even she laughed towards the end. It was almost like, "You could blink wrong and an eyelash could stab you and you can go blind." Alright, slightly less extreme, but not too far off!
We also got all of my pre-op scripts. Holy moly! Maybe I'll run through it all later this week.
Next, we went to meet with the anesthesiologist office. We got there early. The check in lady who asked to go by "Queeny" seemed completely put out. I tried to be funny and she was not interested. Finally I said, "You really are to busy to care right now, right?" (or something to that affect) and she said "Correct." Alrighty then! Jeff said I should appreciate her honesty and efficiency, but you know, sometimes people who are getting ready for surgery need a friendly touch.
Anyway, Queeny sent us to another lady to pay for some hospital charges. This lady was nice, but unprofessionally chatty (what a contrast?!). She told us of her friends who had the same procedure as I am having. She told us about her trip to Texas and how she swam with manatee's or something and how she wanted to swim with dolphins but couldn't because of.... zzz... What? Oh yeah. Chatty-Magee DID have some useful information. My hospital suite will be private (no roomy), have wi-fi, have my own thermostat and is on Dr. B.'s "floor." I'm not clear if he actually has a whole floor or just a wing of a floor. We'll find out. Apparently Dr. B. is very particular and everyone there does things how he wants them. I think that's fabulous!
Next, we returned to wait for the Anesthesiologist. During this time, we read my paperwork from Dr. B. and made fun of construction signs in the hospital. (See below)
When we got called in, we sat there while a very nice lady whose daughter is getting married and used to have blond hair but she died it brown for the wedding (people love to share) filled out some papers. She then asked me a few questions. She talked about how I can't have makeup, rings, or use hair gel the morning of surgery (WHAT? HAVE YOU SEEN MY CURLS?). She talked about my "wishes" if something were to happen to me. Then she left... I looked over my file and got to see my psych report! If that wasn't the most awesome thing in the world, I don't know what is! I got to read what my pre-op psychiatric evaluation said! Too funny. I said things I didn't even know I said. Apparently Jeff gives "neutral advice." haha I certainly never thought that; it's amazing I said it.
Finally an actual Anesthesiologist came in. She briefly went over my paperwork with me and that was it!
Overall, I feel really excited and slightly nervous about my operation. I'll be going in on Monday and coming out on Wednesday if all goes well.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Supporting me
Recently, I had my mother speak with Crista, a dear, long-lost, friend from Elementary School. Crista had her gastric bypass in 2003. She has had some complications, but she has been very successful. She is defintly glad she had the surgery. I think it was very helpful for my mom. That said, it may be helpful for some of the other people dealing with my changes. Here is some of what Crista said to me after speaking to my mom.
"Hey there... Your Mom and I had a GREAT talk! The main reason she called was to find out how to be more supportive before/after your surgery! So, I told her the good, bad and ugly..explained the how you will learn your limits with food over time. She didn’t know what to do for you for the holidays. I told her by then, you will know exactly how much you can eat and the stuff you need to stay away from which brought on some relief. I talked about dumping, drinking..etc. She is knowledgeable on it. I just told her my experiences and those of people who were in my support group.
I told her that the biggest thing (back to supportive) to NOT do is ask you things like, “You can eat that?”, “You can eat all that?” or comment on your food. The other thing I told her to never say to you is “You are losing weight to fast!”, “Stop trying to lose weight for a while!” and “You look sickly!” I explained that your body will stop losing once you eat enough to sustain your weight and then your body (exterior) will have to catch up. I told her that when I lost all the weight, I was white as a ghost and it took me 2 months to get my color back.
Then we talked about you having children. I told her that when you find out you are pregnant, you and your surgeon will come up with a meal plan that will be able to keep you and the baby healthy. I told her not to worry about that. I said that the big thing is Jessica is the only one who knows her body enough to know what she can and can’t do. I told her you will tell her if you can’t do something and until that happens, then continue on as normal. It was a great conversation!"
I don't know if that helps anyone, but it was awesome that my mom was looking for ways to support me and that a "long-lost friend" was able to help!
"Hey there... Your Mom and I had a GREAT talk! The main reason she called was to find out how to be more supportive before/after your surgery! So, I told her the good, bad and ugly..explained the how you will learn your limits with food over time. She didn’t know what to do for you for the holidays. I told her by then, you will know exactly how much you can eat and the stuff you need to stay away from which brought on some relief. I talked about dumping, drinking..etc. She is knowledgeable on it. I just told her my experiences and those of people who were in my support group.
I told her that the biggest thing (back to supportive) to NOT do is ask you things like, “You can eat that?”, “You can eat all that?” or comment on your food. The other thing I told her to never say to you is “You are losing weight to fast!”, “Stop trying to lose weight for a while!” and “You look sickly!” I explained that your body will stop losing once you eat enough to sustain your weight and then your body (exterior) will have to catch up. I told her that when I lost all the weight, I was white as a ghost and it took me 2 months to get my color back.
Then we talked about you having children. I told her that when you find out you are pregnant, you and your surgeon will come up with a meal plan that will be able to keep you and the baby healthy. I told her not to worry about that. I said that the big thing is Jessica is the only one who knows her body enough to know what she can and can’t do. I told her you will tell her if you can’t do something and until that happens, then continue on as normal. It was a great conversation!"
I don't know if that helps anyone, but it was awesome that my mom was looking for ways to support me and that a "long-lost friend" was able to help!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
2 weeks tomorrow and counting...
I'm scared.
That's the thing a lot of people have been wanting me to say. I tell them about what I'm doing and many reply, "Aren't you scared?" Well, congratulations! I'm finally there. I'm scared. What I'm scared of may surprise you.
I'm not scared of the surgery; Dr. B. is awesome. He's done this somewhere over 1,300 times and has never lost a patient. I'm not scared of giving up ice cream; it seems like a small trade off for the chance at a family. I'm not scared of losing my hair; it'll come back.
So, what am I scared of?
Hunger -- This surgery is changing my football sized stomach into an egg sized stomach, so this is not supposed to be a concern. I hate feeling hungry and not being able to eat. This morning. I slept in. When I woke up, I had 2 eggs scrambled with eggs and cheese with well done bacon for my 11am breakfast. At 6pm, I was hungry. At 7pm, I was almost in tears. I went downstairs and had a salad, talapia, and green beans; I felt better, but I was still hungry. Jeff lovingly cut me up some strawberries. I feel good now. I shouldn't be worried about this post surgery. I'm going to be eating smaller meals more frequently, and my football sized stomach will be much smaller, so I won't have the need to fill my football. Still, I am a bit scared -- irrationally so.
Well, me being who I am, I read up a bit and found a suitable plan. First, I'm buying a mini-fridge for my classroom. I'll have some healthy options in my class at all time. Secondly, I was reading READY, Set, shrink! by Lori Ferrante today and she suggested something very useful. In chapter three (Preparing For Surgery), she says that she bought a bunch of GladWare "mini round" containers in the half cup size. Since my new stomach will only be able to handle four ounces at a time, these are perfect! Ferrante says she opens up a few different protein shakes and pour them into the GladWare containers and store them in the fridge. This way, she always has the correct portion of her protein shake ready to go at a moments notice. Even though when school come back, I'll be eating more solids, I'll still use these shakes to get my protein. Also, if you've been following my blog, you know I've been trying protein shakes for a few months now. I've also bought some bariatric friendly food from the internet that I need to try. (There are boxes and bottles stacked on my kitchen island.) So, I seem to have a plan and logically, I should not worry about this. Realistically, I don't know if I'll stop feeling scared about this until I experience that easily full sensation.
Pills -- I'm going to be taking vitamin supplements for the rest of my life. Quite honestly, I'm not the best at taking the pills I currently have to take on a systematic basis. Speaking of, did I take my thyroid medicine today? I'm not sure. It's bad that I get myself into this situation. After surgery, I'll have my normal medicine plus I'll be taking a multivitamin with iron, a b-complex vitamin with b-12, and a calcium citrate with D 600mg twice a day. I can't take all of this at once, so I'm definitely going to need a plan in place. Ferrante used a daily chart and checked off each item after she took it. This included her protein and water intake. This sounds like a good plan in theory. I just hope I can keep up with it. In my head I keep saying, "Protein + Vitamins = Keeping My Hair." That's actually more motivating than you'd imagine. Either way, I have to figure this out this week.
Pre-op Appointment -- I'm a bit anxious for my pre-op appointment with Dr. B. on Friday. He wanted me to lose weight before my surgery, and I have, but I'm not down from the last time he saw me. Once I had a surgery date, I did a "say goodbye to my favorite food tour." I enjoyed things I wouldn't have for a long time. I also gained 15 lbs eating the way I have always wanted to. People see me and think I eat like that all the time. The truth is that I have a salad, chicken, fruit, and water for lunch. I bring low-fat cheese sticks to work. Anyway, I gained the weight and I've almost got it all off. I'm only plus four pounds from where I was in March. Technically, I have lost 11 lbs, but I gained 15 first. I'm "hard-coring" it now. I'm moving my protein shakes up to two a day. I'm not eating ANY whites (pasta, bread, potatoes...). I'm trying to drink more water. Anyway, I'm nervous. I'm going to be very honest with Dr. B. and tell him about my ups and downs (pun intended). We'll see what he says. I guess the worst case scenario is that he postpones my surgery a few weeks. I really don't want that to happen, but it could.
Family and Friends -- I know that everyone is being so supportive. I worry that people have expectations for me that I won't be able to live up to. There is this parent at my school who had a bypass. She lost over 100lbs. Recently, people in that community who hear I'm having this done say things like, "Look at her. She's done so well... but I think she's gaining some of it back." People are SO critical! From everything I've read, I'm supposed to lose a lot and than gain a small amount back and find a happy plateau. This woman has managed to keep 100+ pounds! I think that's great. Yet, I feel like she is not living up to people's expectations -- people's uninformed expectations. I'm so scared that this situation will happen to me. I'm scared of disappointing my family and friends, not being all they want of me. In the end, I'm doing this for myself and my family; I know that is what I have to remember. I'm a bit sensitive though -- that's all.
That's the thing a lot of people have been wanting me to say. I tell them about what I'm doing and many reply, "Aren't you scared?" Well, congratulations! I'm finally there. I'm scared. What I'm scared of may surprise you.
I'm not scared of the surgery; Dr. B. is awesome. He's done this somewhere over 1,300 times and has never lost a patient. I'm not scared of giving up ice cream; it seems like a small trade off for the chance at a family. I'm not scared of losing my hair; it'll come back.
So, what am I scared of?
Hunger -- This surgery is changing my football sized stomach into an egg sized stomach, so this is not supposed to be a concern. I hate feeling hungry and not being able to eat. This morning. I slept in. When I woke up, I had 2 eggs scrambled with eggs and cheese with well done bacon for my 11am breakfast. At 6pm, I was hungry. At 7pm, I was almost in tears. I went downstairs and had a salad, talapia, and green beans; I felt better, but I was still hungry. Jeff lovingly cut me up some strawberries. I feel good now. I shouldn't be worried about this post surgery. I'm going to be eating smaller meals more frequently, and my football sized stomach will be much smaller, so I won't have the need to fill my football. Still, I am a bit scared -- irrationally so.
Well, me being who I am, I read up a bit and found a suitable plan. First, I'm buying a mini-fridge for my classroom. I'll have some healthy options in my class at all time. Secondly, I was reading READY, Set, shrink! by Lori Ferrante today and she suggested something very useful. In chapter three (Preparing For Surgery), she says that she bought a bunch of GladWare "mini round" containers in the half cup size. Since my new stomach will only be able to handle four ounces at a time, these are perfect! Ferrante says she opens up a few different protein shakes and pour them into the GladWare containers and store them in the fridge. This way, she always has the correct portion of her protein shake ready to go at a moments notice. Even though when school come back, I'll be eating more solids, I'll still use these shakes to get my protein. Also, if you've been following my blog, you know I've been trying protein shakes for a few months now. I've also bought some bariatric friendly food from the internet that I need to try. (There are boxes and bottles stacked on my kitchen island.) So, I seem to have a plan and logically, I should not worry about this. Realistically, I don't know if I'll stop feeling scared about this until I experience that easily full sensation.
Pills -- I'm going to be taking vitamin supplements for the rest of my life. Quite honestly, I'm not the best at taking the pills I currently have to take on a systematic basis. Speaking of, did I take my thyroid medicine today? I'm not sure. It's bad that I get myself into this situation. After surgery, I'll have my normal medicine plus I'll be taking a multivitamin with iron, a b-complex vitamin with b-12, and a calcium citrate with D 600mg twice a day. I can't take all of this at once, so I'm definitely going to need a plan in place. Ferrante used a daily chart and checked off each item after she took it. This included her protein and water intake. This sounds like a good plan in theory. I just hope I can keep up with it. In my head I keep saying, "Protein + Vitamins = Keeping My Hair." That's actually more motivating than you'd imagine. Either way, I have to figure this out this week.
Pre-op Appointment -- I'm a bit anxious for my pre-op appointment with Dr. B. on Friday. He wanted me to lose weight before my surgery, and I have, but I'm not down from the last time he saw me. Once I had a surgery date, I did a "say goodbye to my favorite food tour." I enjoyed things I wouldn't have for a long time. I also gained 15 lbs eating the way I have always wanted to. People see me and think I eat like that all the time. The truth is that I have a salad, chicken, fruit, and water for lunch. I bring low-fat cheese sticks to work. Anyway, I gained the weight and I've almost got it all off. I'm only plus four pounds from where I was in March. Technically, I have lost 11 lbs, but I gained 15 first. I'm "hard-coring" it now. I'm moving my protein shakes up to two a day. I'm not eating ANY whites (pasta, bread, potatoes...). I'm trying to drink more water. Anyway, I'm nervous. I'm going to be very honest with Dr. B. and tell him about my ups and downs (pun intended). We'll see what he says. I guess the worst case scenario is that he postpones my surgery a few weeks. I really don't want that to happen, but it could.
Family and Friends -- I know that everyone is being so supportive. I worry that people have expectations for me that I won't be able to live up to. There is this parent at my school who had a bypass. She lost over 100lbs. Recently, people in that community who hear I'm having this done say things like, "Look at her. She's done so well... but I think she's gaining some of it back." People are SO critical! From everything I've read, I'm supposed to lose a lot and than gain a small amount back and find a happy plateau. This woman has managed to keep 100+ pounds! I think that's great. Yet, I feel like she is not living up to people's expectations -- people's uninformed expectations. I'm so scared that this situation will happen to me. I'm scared of disappointing my family and friends, not being all they want of me. In the end, I'm doing this for myself and my family; I know that is what I have to remember. I'm a bit sensitive though -- that's all.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
44 days until surgery... and counting
My surgery is coming closer and closer. I have 44 days left. Today, I took out my "Pre-Surgical Weight Loss Plan" that is supposed to be implemented "2-4 weeks prior to surgery." I know I have time, but I want to start this road now! Here's what is says, plus how I'm doing:
Goal is to stay within 1200 - 1900 calories per day.
That'll require some more work.
1. Eliminate sweet drinks.
I don't drink soda or coffee. I mainly drink water (with lemon); sometimes I drink skim milk. I feel good about this item.
2. Eliminate fried foods, and high fat/sugar foods.
Well, fries came with my steak at my staff dinner yesterday... but those three white russians were all me, I suppose.
3. Start consuming 60 ounces per day of water or calorie free, decaffeinated fluids. (Water will assist you in staying full -- to avoid excessive hunger before surgery)
I do well with this on the weekends, but not the weekdays. I need to drink more (water) for sure!
4. Stop eating white foods (potato, noodles, pasta, rice, white breads) May use lite wheat bread, high fiber/high protein pasta, and noodles in moderation.
This is hard for me. I love my pasta, potatoes, and breads. Today Jeff and I went to spend a teacher appreciation gift card at Panera and I got a sandwich on whole grain bread and not a french baguette. Does that count? What? For dinner? I had pizza. Darn.
5. Eat every 2-3 hours... start working on the changes that MUST become part of our new life after surgery. Eating every 2-3 hours will keep your metabolism up and assist you in staying full.
This is something I need to consciously plan out better.
6. Do not eat late at night -- but if you must, munch on veggies dipped in salsa, a piece of fruit, or use one of your protein drinks.
No problem with this one.
7. Walk at least 10 minutes twice per day -- you CAN do it.
I'm trying to do more than this. I tend to be all in or none in. This sounds too simple, but maybe 10 minutes twice a day is a good place to start.
8. Use Unjury powder as directed -- mixing with skim or low fat milks or lactose free milk or soymilk. Do not mix with juice or caffeinated drinks. May use with water if you wish, but to get more protein in -- milk is 1 gram of protein per 1 ounce of milk.
I have been trying protein drinks, but I haven't really been making them a daily part of my life.
REMEMBER:
* No fried (Starting today)
* No sweets (Starting today, but not including the gift card I got for Cold Stone Creamery for Teacher Appreciation week... haha)
* No white foods (Starting today)
* No sweet drinks (Done)
* Wean off caffeine (Done)
* Get more water and fluids that are sugar free and decaffeinated (Need to drink more water)
* Eat every 2-3 hours (Dreading this, but will start today)
* Get used to measuring what you are eating (Talk to Jeff)
* Keep a daily journal of what you eat, how much you eat, and how it was prepared (I could use this blog for that, I suppose.)
* MOVE!!! (I need to do this more.)
Goal is to stay within 1200 - 1900 calories per day.
That'll require some more work.
1. Eliminate sweet drinks.
I don't drink soda or coffee. I mainly drink water (with lemon); sometimes I drink skim milk. I feel good about this item.
2. Eliminate fried foods, and high fat/sugar foods.
Well, fries came with my steak at my staff dinner yesterday... but those three white russians were all me, I suppose.
3. Start consuming 60 ounces per day of water or calorie free, decaffeinated fluids. (Water will assist you in staying full -- to avoid excessive hunger before surgery)
I do well with this on the weekends, but not the weekdays. I need to drink more (water) for sure!
4. Stop eating white foods (potato, noodles, pasta, rice, white breads) May use lite wheat bread, high fiber/high protein pasta, and noodles in moderation.
This is hard for me. I love my pasta, potatoes, and breads. Today Jeff and I went to spend a teacher appreciation gift card at Panera and I got a sandwich on whole grain bread and not a french baguette. Does that count? What? For dinner? I had pizza. Darn.
5. Eat every 2-3 hours... start working on the changes that MUST become part of our new life after surgery. Eating every 2-3 hours will keep your metabolism up and assist you in staying full.
This is something I need to consciously plan out better.
6. Do not eat late at night -- but if you must, munch on veggies dipped in salsa, a piece of fruit, or use one of your protein drinks.
No problem with this one.
7. Walk at least 10 minutes twice per day -- you CAN do it.
I'm trying to do more than this. I tend to be all in or none in. This sounds too simple, but maybe 10 minutes twice a day is a good place to start.
8. Use Unjury powder as directed -- mixing with skim or low fat milks or lactose free milk or soymilk. Do not mix with juice or caffeinated drinks. May use with water if you wish, but to get more protein in -- milk is 1 gram of protein per 1 ounce of milk.
I have been trying protein drinks, but I haven't really been making them a daily part of my life.
REMEMBER:
* No fried (Starting today)
* No sweets (Starting today, but not including the gift card I got for Cold Stone Creamery for Teacher Appreciation week... haha)
* No white foods (Starting today)
* No sweet drinks (Done)
* Wean off caffeine (Done)
* Get more water and fluids that are sugar free and decaffeinated (Need to drink more water)
* Eat every 2-3 hours (Dreading this, but will start today)
* Get used to measuring what you are eating (Talk to Jeff)
* Keep a daily journal of what you eat, how much you eat, and how it was prepared (I could use this blog for that, I suppose.)
* MOVE!!! (I need to do this more.)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Even More Protein Drinks
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Houston: We have a DATE!
After months of jumping through hoops, calling to get tests resent, and waiting oh so patiently, I finally have a surgery date!
On June 21, 2010, I will be having a gastric bypass!
I have had so many different emotions about this. I feel like I have lots of people's support, but not necessarily their understanding. I don't know if that makes sense. I think it is easy for people to understand this is what we (Jeff and I) want and be happy for us. That's a lot different than understanding why this is our choice. I know that people are worried about the hypotheticals, but what I need is energy and support. I need people to keep me goal oriented and focused on the future.
On June 21, 2010, I will be having a gastric bypass!
I have had so many different emotions about this. I feel like I have lots of people's support, but not necessarily their understanding. I don't know if that makes sense. I think it is easy for people to understand this is what we (Jeff and I) want and be happy for us. That's a lot different than understanding why this is our choice. I know that people are worried about the hypotheticals, but what I need is energy and support. I need people to keep me goal oriented and focused on the future.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Wavy week
The last week has really been full of ups and downs for me. I'll recap for you.
Monday: I got my blood test redone (time three). While there, I saw my primary care physician, Dr. H, because I had an ear infection. I explained my frustration about the lab and my blood work. I told him very simply that he and his nurse were the only reason I continue to use that office. I don't feel like anyone else really cares about me there. I explained about having to get my blood taken three times. I explained about how many times I had to call to get tests taken. I explained everything. He seemed to get it. Dr. H. apologized. I told him that HE was not the one in the office who owed me an apology. I hope that he'll be trying to get these quirks fixed.
Tuesday: I got a temporary cap put on my recently root canaled tooth.
Friday: I took a half day to go to see my new Endocrinologist. [His last name also begins with an H, so I'll call him Dr. Endo. Let me know if you think of a better way to do this!] I had seen him once before and not really cared for him. I felt he didn't listen to me. My dear friend Gloria LOVES him, so I decided to give him another chance. I did bring reinforcements this time (Jeff).
Jeff and I talked a bit about my trepidation about this doctor. To sum up, he seemed very against bariactric surgery; he didn't ask enough questions about my background; he wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell him "my story"; he continually interrupted me when I was trying to give him more information. All of these things left me feeling very unconnected to this doctor.
When Dr. Endo came in, I introduced him to Jeff. Jeff has come to a lot of appointments with me during my fertility roller coaster, so we have gotten pretty good at this. Dr. Endo was the first doctor to completely act like Jeff wasn't in the room when Jeff wasn't speaking directly to him. It was odd, but nothing big.
Next, he asked me if I was pregnant -- a question that caught me pretty off guard. Of course I'm not pregnant. I'm never pregnant. Ugh. Don't you think if I was pregnant I'd mention it? Or given that I have been trying for 5.75 years, I'd probably be glowing five shades of sunshine? I digress...
Apparently, I was supposed to have labs done before I saw him. Maybe it was because the first time I saw him was on New Year's Eve, but this was not made clear to me. Now it is. A different person did my "check out" and explained how they do it wonderfully.
Dr. Endo noted my slight weight loss since my last appointment. He then told me I should talk to my OB/GYN again about getting me on Clomid. He feels that if my thyroid gets in check (and we don't know if it is since I didn't have labs), and he ups my Glucophage/Metformin, I will get pregnant quite easily. I try to explain to him that we are going a different route with the gastric bypass. Dr. Endo feels that there is no reason for me to have surgery. He expresses concerns about bone loss and long term issues. I explain to him that the fertility specialist says I need to lose another hundred from where I am and my OB/GYN is done putting me on Clomid. Dr. Endo then tells me if they aren't willing to do this, I should consider getting new doctors! (Whoa!)
Eventually, Jeff and I stop talking and just let Dr. Endo go on with his magical theory. I check out, go get my allergy shot, and get some blood taken before returning to school.
Jeff and I spent a few days trying to process this appointment.
I have been at a lower weight with my thyroid levels correct before. During this time, I was on Clomid. I was not able to get pregnant. The only difference that Dr. Endo is proposing is upping my Glucophage. Also, on Clomid, I grew cysts that had to be surgically removed. That is not great either. I have my core trusted doctors telling me this surgery is my best option. Dr. Endo's plan sounds a little fairy taleish. I may be jaded after all these years, but I haven't believed in fairy tales for a long time.
If we went with Dr. Endo's plan, we'd have to give it a year. I'd be (almost) 33 at that point. Then if it didn't work, I could still get the surgery, but I'd be 35 before I could start trying to conceive. If I got pregnant immediately I'd be 36 before I had my first child. We feel like time is ticking and we don't want to waste a year on a plan with a doctor we really don't trust. We're moving forward and sticking with the doctors we trust.
This weekend, we researched bone loss in by-pass patients. It looks like anyone who loses a substantial amount of weight will have a substantial bone loss. Our bones get bigger to support our bigger bodies. It did seem like bairatric patients are at greater risk for Osteoporosis if they do not take their vitamins as they are supposed to for the rest of their life. I plan on following my doctor's and nut's instructions to the letter.
Saturday: I received my lab test results back from my Dr. H. They looked good. There was also a note saying the results were sent to Dr. B.'s office. Oh my goodness! This is good news! Now Dr. B.'s office will be ready to send all my information to my insurance for approval! I am so excited!
Sunday: I read a bit more in my book. Today I read that I am not supposed to have the "Last Supper" mentality before this surgery. I'll get a lot of these foods back, but in smaller quantities. I wish someone would have made that more clear a few weeks ago! Phew!
---
By the way, I appreciate those of you who are reading this. It's nice not to feel alone in this journey. (hugs)
Monday: I got my blood test redone (time three). While there, I saw my primary care physician, Dr. H, because I had an ear infection. I explained my frustration about the lab and my blood work. I told him very simply that he and his nurse were the only reason I continue to use that office. I don't feel like anyone else really cares about me there. I explained about having to get my blood taken three times. I explained about how many times I had to call to get tests taken. I explained everything. He seemed to get it. Dr. H. apologized. I told him that HE was not the one in the office who owed me an apology. I hope that he'll be trying to get these quirks fixed.
Tuesday: I got a temporary cap put on my recently root canaled tooth.
Friday: I took a half day to go to see my new Endocrinologist. [His last name also begins with an H, so I'll call him Dr. Endo. Let me know if you think of a better way to do this!] I had seen him once before and not really cared for him. I felt he didn't listen to me. My dear friend Gloria LOVES him, so I decided to give him another chance. I did bring reinforcements this time (Jeff).
Jeff and I talked a bit about my trepidation about this doctor. To sum up, he seemed very against bariactric surgery; he didn't ask enough questions about my background; he wouldn't listen to me when I tried to tell him "my story"; he continually interrupted me when I was trying to give him more information. All of these things left me feeling very unconnected to this doctor.
When Dr. Endo came in, I introduced him to Jeff. Jeff has come to a lot of appointments with me during my fertility roller coaster, so we have gotten pretty good at this. Dr. Endo was the first doctor to completely act like Jeff wasn't in the room when Jeff wasn't speaking directly to him. It was odd, but nothing big.
Next, he asked me if I was pregnant -- a question that caught me pretty off guard. Of course I'm not pregnant. I'm never pregnant. Ugh. Don't you think if I was pregnant I'd mention it? Or given that I have been trying for 5.75 years, I'd probably be glowing five shades of sunshine? I digress...
Apparently, I was supposed to have labs done before I saw him. Maybe it was because the first time I saw him was on New Year's Eve, but this was not made clear to me. Now it is. A different person did my "check out" and explained how they do it wonderfully.
Dr. Endo noted my slight weight loss since my last appointment. He then told me I should talk to my OB/GYN again about getting me on Clomid. He feels that if my thyroid gets in check (and we don't know if it is since I didn't have labs), and he ups my Glucophage/Metformin, I will get pregnant quite easily. I try to explain to him that we are going a different route with the gastric bypass. Dr. Endo feels that there is no reason for me to have surgery. He expresses concerns about bone loss and long term issues. I explain to him that the fertility specialist says I need to lose another hundred from where I am and my OB/GYN is done putting me on Clomid. Dr. Endo then tells me if they aren't willing to do this, I should consider getting new doctors! (Whoa!)
Eventually, Jeff and I stop talking and just let Dr. Endo go on with his magical theory. I check out, go get my allergy shot, and get some blood taken before returning to school.
Jeff and I spent a few days trying to process this appointment.
I have been at a lower weight with my thyroid levels correct before. During this time, I was on Clomid. I was not able to get pregnant. The only difference that Dr. Endo is proposing is upping my Glucophage. Also, on Clomid, I grew cysts that had to be surgically removed. That is not great either. I have my core trusted doctors telling me this surgery is my best option. Dr. Endo's plan sounds a little fairy taleish. I may be jaded after all these years, but I haven't believed in fairy tales for a long time.
If we went with Dr. Endo's plan, we'd have to give it a year. I'd be (almost) 33 at that point. Then if it didn't work, I could still get the surgery, but I'd be 35 before I could start trying to conceive. If I got pregnant immediately I'd be 36 before I had my first child. We feel like time is ticking and we don't want to waste a year on a plan with a doctor we really don't trust. We're moving forward and sticking with the doctors we trust.
This weekend, we researched bone loss in by-pass patients. It looks like anyone who loses a substantial amount of weight will have a substantial bone loss. Our bones get bigger to support our bigger bodies. It did seem like bairatric patients are at greater risk for Osteoporosis if they do not take their vitamins as they are supposed to for the rest of their life. I plan on following my doctor's and nut's instructions to the letter.
Saturday: I received my lab test results back from my Dr. H. They looked good. There was also a note saying the results were sent to Dr. B.'s office. Oh my goodness! This is good news! Now Dr. B.'s office will be ready to send all my information to my insurance for approval! I am so excited!
Sunday: I read a bit more in my book. Today I read that I am not supposed to have the "Last Supper" mentality before this surgery. I'll get a lot of these foods back, but in smaller quantities. I wish someone would have made that more clear a few weeks ago! Phew!
---
By the way, I appreciate those of you who are reading this. It's nice not to feel alone in this journey. (hugs)
Sunday, March 7, 2010
More Protein Drinks
Yes, sports fans, we had our first Liquid Death!
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Doctors, Support Groups, and Babies! (Oh My!)
Doctors:
Good news: My psych. report it in! (Yes, I passed; thank you peanut gallery.). Also, I got my missing blood tests retaken!
Bad news: Even though they retook my blood (first time December, second time February) they still MISSED a test! How hard can it be to take the doctor's orders, take my blood, and process the right things? Apparently, very hard. BUT, once I get this last blood test taken, I think I am done with my pre-op requirements! That is exciting.
Support Groups:
Jeff and I went to a support group from the nut's office (that's nutritionist, if you missed my previous post). It had lots of good information and samples of some proteinlious drinks and snacks. Everyone at the group had already had the surgery and was on their way downwards. They seemed to all have there separate set of complications/issues, but were all very glad they had the surgery.
In my own mini-support group (friends), I touched base with my friend C who had a bypass 7 years ago. I also have called my friend, L, who had a different, but similar, type of surgery a few years ago. C looks amazing and the surgery has helped her a lot. It was so great reconnecting with her. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. Even though a lot of time has passed, I felt like I could ask her anything! It was a good feeling.
Babies
Yes, babies. Last week was the "Everyone I Know Seems to be Having a Baby" week. Two people from my work are preggers. I know that's not everyone, but I took it hard. I always think if I say that out loud I will sound like a monster. I'm not a monster. I love babies! I'm really happy for the people having them! I can't wait to see the babies and to buy little baby things. But for me, that's a double-edged sword.
The whole reason I'm going through this is to start a family. Over the past 5.5 years, I've done so much in order to get the the, "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" place of my life. When I see someone who has been married a month and seems to instantly become pregnant, it makes me feel a little more defective. It's not that I'm not happy for other people, because I really am. I just wish things were a little easier for me in that department.
My people (and they know who they are) tell me I "can't think like that." It's not like I choose to feel sad. It's not like I think to myself, "Well, I could isolate their experience and only feel happy for them, or I could also internalize it with a bit of jealousy and depression... let's go for the depression one!" It's just how I am. People around me don't really seem to get it. I don't know how to explain it any other way than it's how I feel. I always feel defensive when I talk about my feelings too. Just now, I was about to type, "I'm not saying I want anything to happen to these children or wish these other people didn't get pregnant; I just wish I was also." I feel guilty for my feelings -- like I need to explain them over and over again.
I found out about these two pregnant colleagues on Thursday. I came home and The Office was having their episode with Jim and Pam having their baby. Then this weekend, a friend from college had a beautiful baby girl and posted lots of pictures online (as she should). Law and Order had baby drama. Several of my friend posted baby updates online. Also, several people I know have been complaining about their kids. One was complaining to me that her two kids got into bed with her on Thursday night and she didn't get a lot of sleep. My only response I could think of was, "That's an awesome problem to have."
I have to find a way to deal with this better. I'm sure even more babies will be coming in through my life during the next few years. I just wish I knew some day, I'd get to have my, "Guess what?" moment too. (And don't say, "You will, Jessica," because you don't really know that.)
Good news: My psych. report it in! (Yes, I passed; thank you peanut gallery.). Also, I got my missing blood tests retaken!
Bad news: Even though they retook my blood (first time December, second time February) they still MISSED a test! How hard can it be to take the doctor's orders, take my blood, and process the right things? Apparently, very hard. BUT, once I get this last blood test taken, I think I am done with my pre-op requirements! That is exciting.
Support Groups:
Jeff and I went to a support group from the nut's office (that's nutritionist, if you missed my previous post). It had lots of good information and samples of some proteinlious drinks and snacks. Everyone at the group had already had the surgery and was on their way downwards. They seemed to all have there separate set of complications/issues, but were all very glad they had the surgery.
In my own mini-support group (friends), I touched base with my friend C who had a bypass 7 years ago. I also have called my friend, L, who had a different, but similar, type of surgery a few years ago. C looks amazing and the surgery has helped her a lot. It was so great reconnecting with her. We went to elementary, middle, and high school together. Even though a lot of time has passed, I felt like I could ask her anything! It was a good feeling.
Babies
Yes, babies. Last week was the "Everyone I Know Seems to be Having a Baby" week. Two people from my work are preggers. I know that's not everyone, but I took it hard. I always think if I say that out loud I will sound like a monster. I'm not a monster. I love babies! I'm really happy for the people having them! I can't wait to see the babies and to buy little baby things. But for me, that's a double-edged sword.
The whole reason I'm going through this is to start a family. Over the past 5.5 years, I've done so much in order to get the the, "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" place of my life. When I see someone who has been married a month and seems to instantly become pregnant, it makes me feel a little more defective. It's not that I'm not happy for other people, because I really am. I just wish things were a little easier for me in that department.
My people (and they know who they are) tell me I "can't think like that." It's not like I choose to feel sad. It's not like I think to myself, "Well, I could isolate their experience and only feel happy for them, or I could also internalize it with a bit of jealousy and depression... let's go for the depression one!" It's just how I am. People around me don't really seem to get it. I don't know how to explain it any other way than it's how I feel. I always feel defensive when I talk about my feelings too. Just now, I was about to type, "I'm not saying I want anything to happen to these children or wish these other people didn't get pregnant; I just wish I was also." I feel guilty for my feelings -- like I need to explain them over and over again.
I found out about these two pregnant colleagues on Thursday. I came home and The Office was having their episode with Jim and Pam having their baby. Then this weekend, a friend from college had a beautiful baby girl and posted lots of pictures online (as she should). Law and Order had baby drama. Several of my friend posted baby updates online. Also, several people I know have been complaining about their kids. One was complaining to me that her two kids got into bed with her on Thursday night and she didn't get a lot of sleep. My only response I could think of was, "That's an awesome problem to have."
I have to find a way to deal with this better. I'm sure even more babies will be coming in through my life during the next few years. I just wish I knew some day, I'd get to have my, "Guess what?" moment too. (And don't say, "You will, Jessica," because you don't really know that.)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Protein Shakes
One of the proactive things I have been doing is trying out different protein shakes. For the two weeks before and the two weeks after the surgery, I will have to drink all of my protein. I have to take in 60 grams of protein a day. I can only have 4 grams or less of sugar in the drink as well.
Knowing that I am picky as is, we figured we had better start trying now. Jeff made a form for me to enter how well I liked the shakes. The ratings from best to worse are: Awesome, Good, Tolerable, Bad, Liquid Death (yes, liquid death). Here are my comments so far.
Knowing that I am picky as is, we figured we had better start trying now. Jeff made a form for me to enter how well I liked the shakes. The ratings from best to worse are: Awesome, Good, Tolerable, Bad, Liquid Death (yes, liquid death). Here are my comments so far.
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Sunday, February 21, 2010
Overwhelmed
I guess I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.
I was kind of hoping all of my pre-op requirements would be done by now. I checked in last week and my psych evaluation still has not been sent. I should be able to call over and get that sent (again?) during my prep. tomorrow. Also, it appears that during my physical, some of my necessary blood tests were not taken. I need to schedule that and have those sent over. I left a message with Dr. H's nurse last Monday and still have not heard back.
I know this seems like a small hurdle, but it's just exhausting. I feel like if the psych. people and my primary care physician had done their jobs, I would be done with all this.
Also, I got a letter in the mail from Dr. B (the surgeon). They were concerned about my thyroid and wanted to make sure I'm having it looked at. I called and (surprise, surprise) left a message to the nurse I was told to call in the letter. I told her that I had an appointment on Dec. 31 (where my medicine was changed) and that I am having a follow up in March.
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Another thing that is overwhelming me is that I had a friend visit me this weekend. She hadn't seen me in three years. Three years ago, I was very much engaged in the "trying" to have a baby mode. I was undergoing treatments and was super optimistic. Now, three years later and no baby, she had lots of questions. I explained as much as I could to her and she tried to be supportive. It was kind of sad though. I feel kind of broken and having to essentially explain "what went wrong" was difficult.
Another thing is that my friend is a fun gal. I tried to plan things and keep up with her, but essentially what I did was do something for the last time. Let me explain. We went to this fabulous Brazilian restaurant. They bring skewers of food to you continually and you eat (and eat and eat -- I mean for $50 a person, you kind of want your fill). We also drank 2 bottles of wine and then meet my teammate and her fiance' out at a bar for more drinks. Well, I'm 31 and lead a relatively tame life. This is not my normal. Once I have the surgery, I will not be able to go to restaurants like this and I will certainly not be able to drink out with friends. Granted, we went overboard, but I like going overboard once or twice a year. I also like social eating and drinking. From what I have read, after surgery if you drink half a glass of wine you may end up on the floor. Also, people report that drinking (even half a glass of wine) slows (or stops) their progress after the surgery.
In order to be "ready" for surgery, I need to already lose some weight. Losing weight decreases your liver size which makes it easier to move during surgery. Since my first visit with Dr. B., I have GAINED about 10 pounds. This is probably because I keep enjoying my "lasts" (my last Mexican meal - the way I like it, my last time having fondue, etc...). It's kind of self-defeating, but I really am mourning a bit over how this will change my life. When it comes down to it, I enjoy eating. I love to go out with friends and have a meal. I love pizza. Nothing makes me feel better after a bad day than some extra carbs.
My hope is that after the surgery, I won't feel hungry all the time and that will help... but I still can't use food as a comfort and like it or not, sometimes I eat when I'm not hungry.
I was kind of hoping all of my pre-op requirements would be done by now. I checked in last week and my psych evaluation still has not been sent. I should be able to call over and get that sent (again?) during my prep. tomorrow. Also, it appears that during my physical, some of my necessary blood tests were not taken. I need to schedule that and have those sent over. I left a message with Dr. H's nurse last Monday and still have not heard back.
I know this seems like a small hurdle, but it's just exhausting. I feel like if the psych. people and my primary care physician had done their jobs, I would be done with all this.
Also, I got a letter in the mail from Dr. B (the surgeon). They were concerned about my thyroid and wanted to make sure I'm having it looked at. I called and (surprise, surprise) left a message to the nurse I was told to call in the letter. I told her that I had an appointment on Dec. 31 (where my medicine was changed) and that I am having a follow up in March.
-----
Another thing that is overwhelming me is that I had a friend visit me this weekend. She hadn't seen me in three years. Three years ago, I was very much engaged in the "trying" to have a baby mode. I was undergoing treatments and was super optimistic. Now, three years later and no baby, she had lots of questions. I explained as much as I could to her and she tried to be supportive. It was kind of sad though. I feel kind of broken and having to essentially explain "what went wrong" was difficult.
Another thing is that my friend is a fun gal. I tried to plan things and keep up with her, but essentially what I did was do something for the last time. Let me explain. We went to this fabulous Brazilian restaurant. They bring skewers of food to you continually and you eat (and eat and eat -- I mean for $50 a person, you kind of want your fill). We also drank 2 bottles of wine and then meet my teammate and her fiance' out at a bar for more drinks. Well, I'm 31 and lead a relatively tame life. This is not my normal. Once I have the surgery, I will not be able to go to restaurants like this and I will certainly not be able to drink out with friends. Granted, we went overboard, but I like going overboard once or twice a year. I also like social eating and drinking. From what I have read, after surgery if you drink half a glass of wine you may end up on the floor. Also, people report that drinking (even half a glass of wine) slows (or stops) their progress after the surgery.
In order to be "ready" for surgery, I need to already lose some weight. Losing weight decreases your liver size which makes it easier to move during surgery. Since my first visit with Dr. B., I have GAINED about 10 pounds. This is probably because I keep enjoying my "lasts" (my last Mexican meal - the way I like it, my last time having fondue, etc...). It's kind of self-defeating, but I really am mourning a bit over how this will change my life. When it comes down to it, I enjoy eating. I love to go out with friends and have a meal. I love pizza. Nothing makes me feel better after a bad day than some extra carbs.
My hope is that after the surgery, I won't feel hungry all the time and that will help... but I still can't use food as a comfort and like it or not, sometimes I eat when I'm not hungry.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Upper GI
Well, it worked out and I had my Upper GI today. You may want to skip this entry if you get woozy easily.
No one properly prepared me for this experience, so I thought someone else may want to know.
I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 and was promptly processed. They asked me if my husband was my emergency contact and I told them yes. I'm not sure if that was right since Jeff was on a flight to Boston at the time, but it all worked out anyway.
They took me back to get me into a gown. The lady took out an extra large gown, looked at me and then put it away. She came back with a gown that if I was to guess a size, I would say it was a 5x. You could have fit two of me in it. Trying to look on the bright side, I thought, "at least it'll cover me."
When I was getting ready to change into my gown, they asked me if my pants had any buttons or zippers. I guess if I had been wearing pajama bottoms, I wouldn't have had to take my pants off. No one told me that. I would have loved to wear pants for this ordeal.
As far as the procedure itself, I don't know how to explain it, besides saying it was like a medical version of a Survivor (TV show) food challenge. This is what I read online:
"The patient is asked to drink the barium liquid and to swallow baking soda crystals. It is important not to belch, as the gas assists the radiologist in evaluation."
Let's talk about what that really means.
First, you drink baking soda crystals. You can swallow it in one big chug. It's a little grainy at the bottom and it's fizzing the whole time. I finished it and thought it wasn't so bad. Those are famous last words for a reason.
Next, they give you a Styrofoam cup FULL of this thick, chalky, white liquid. You are to drink the whole cup relatively quickly and don't burp (which is all you want to do). I was doing good drinking this, until about I was about 3/4ths done. Then I had that, "I'm going to throw up" feeling. I convulsed over and put my hand over my mouth. The technician's assistant told me not to throw it up, so I tilted my head back and swallowed what made it's way back up. The tech's assistant told me "good." I couldn't think of anything good at this point.
I managed to finish the cup and she said "HOPEFULLY, that's all I'll have to drink." I repeated back, "hopefully?" The tech's assistant looked at me reassuringly, which is all I could really ask for.
She went to get the technician. While she was out of the room, I burped. As soon as I did it, I remembered what I read and knew I shouldn't have. It was a burp like a bubble had popped. Bizarre, but no harm, no foul? Maybe if I didn't do it again, I'd be okay.
The ex-ray technician came in. He was older, but had a sense of humor, which I deeply appreciated. I was placed on my stomach on a table and as the machine was placed over me, I could see my stomach. It was really cool to watch. Then I was told to turn on my back. Then my front again. The tech. said something, which I couldn't make out and instantly there was another Styrofoam cup with that horrible white liquid and a straw. I was told to take four big swallows. After my fourth, he told me to take one more. I was flipped a few more times.
The tech. now told me that he was involved in a clinical study and they wanted to see if patients liked the white liquid or water better. I laughed so hard I almost burped again! The assistant gave me some water to drink and it was shortly over. The tech. asked me which I like better and I told him not to talk to me. (laughs) I guess it's good he was making light of that horrible stuff, but I just wanted to throw up.
The tech. explained to me that everything looked normal (no tumors or odd things), except that I have a bit of reflux. I was a bit worried so I called my mother in-law. She's an xray tech herself. She told me it was no big deal and it would probably go away when I lost weight. I went home and read up on it and thought to myself, "Yeah. I have that. I thought everyone did."
I came home, promptly went and got sick, and then took a 2 hour nap. I had to be at work by noon and needed to pick up lunch for my friend on the way. I feel fine now. I ate lunch and dinner without issue. I'm glad that experience is over.
No one properly prepared me for this experience, so I thought someone else may want to know.
I arrived at the hospital at 7:30 and was promptly processed. They asked me if my husband was my emergency contact and I told them yes. I'm not sure if that was right since Jeff was on a flight to Boston at the time, but it all worked out anyway.
They took me back to get me into a gown. The lady took out an extra large gown, looked at me and then put it away. She came back with a gown that if I was to guess a size, I would say it was a 5x. You could have fit two of me in it. Trying to look on the bright side, I thought, "at least it'll cover me."
When I was getting ready to change into my gown, they asked me if my pants had any buttons or zippers. I guess if I had been wearing pajama bottoms, I wouldn't have had to take my pants off. No one told me that. I would have loved to wear pants for this ordeal.
As far as the procedure itself, I don't know how to explain it, besides saying it was like a medical version of a Survivor (TV show) food challenge. This is what I read online:
"The patient is asked to drink the barium liquid and to swallow baking soda crystals. It is important not to belch, as the gas assists the radiologist in evaluation."
Let's talk about what that really means.
First, you drink baking soda crystals. You can swallow it in one big chug. It's a little grainy at the bottom and it's fizzing the whole time. I finished it and thought it wasn't so bad. Those are famous last words for a reason.
Next, they give you a Styrofoam cup FULL of this thick, chalky, white liquid. You are to drink the whole cup relatively quickly and don't burp (which is all you want to do). I was doing good drinking this, until about I was about 3/4ths done. Then I had that, "I'm going to throw up" feeling. I convulsed over and put my hand over my mouth. The technician's assistant told me not to throw it up, so I tilted my head back and swallowed what made it's way back up. The tech's assistant told me "good." I couldn't think of anything good at this point.
I managed to finish the cup and she said "HOPEFULLY, that's all I'll have to drink." I repeated back, "hopefully?" The tech's assistant looked at me reassuringly, which is all I could really ask for.
She went to get the technician. While she was out of the room, I burped. As soon as I did it, I remembered what I read and knew I shouldn't have. It was a burp like a bubble had popped. Bizarre, but no harm, no foul? Maybe if I didn't do it again, I'd be okay.
The ex-ray technician came in. He was older, but had a sense of humor, which I deeply appreciated. I was placed on my stomach on a table and as the machine was placed over me, I could see my stomach. It was really cool to watch. Then I was told to turn on my back. Then my front again. The tech. said something, which I couldn't make out and instantly there was another Styrofoam cup with that horrible white liquid and a straw. I was told to take four big swallows. After my fourth, he told me to take one more. I was flipped a few more times.
The tech. now told me that he was involved in a clinical study and they wanted to see if patients liked the white liquid or water better. I laughed so hard I almost burped again! The assistant gave me some water to drink and it was shortly over. The tech. asked me which I like better and I told him not to talk to me. (laughs) I guess it's good he was making light of that horrible stuff, but I just wanted to throw up.
The tech. explained to me that everything looked normal (no tumors or odd things), except that I have a bit of reflux. I was a bit worried so I called my mother in-law. She's an xray tech herself. She told me it was no big deal and it would probably go away when I lost weight. I went home and read up on it and thought to myself, "Yeah. I have that. I thought everyone did."
I came home, promptly went and got sick, and then took a 2 hour nap. I had to be at work by noon and needed to pick up lunch for my friend on the way. I feel fine now. I ate lunch and dinner without issue. I'm glad that experience is over.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Bump update or bumpdate for short!
About my bump in the road, on Friday after work I got a message saying they had gotten me my Upper GI scheduled for THIS MONDAY at 7:30am. This makes me a little nervous because I have to get a sub for me at work. I also have to get my plans to work before I get to the appointment.
The person who normally schedules subs (awesome lady) is away. I called and left a message for the person who is filling in for her (another awesome lady). I haven't heard back. I was really looking forward to getting this done so I can move forward. I'll try to call again on Sunday.
Can my bump have bumps? haha I think mine does!
.
This weekend's research: Vitamins
This weekend Jeff and I have been researching different types of vitamins that I can take Post-Op. It's a little overwhelming. There are lots of different options, some formulated for bariatric patients, and some not.
An odd thing is that on bariatric message boards, they refer to a nutritionist as a "nut." That's really an odd way to refer to him or her.
I am currently looking at trying this vitamin to see how I like it.
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